Monthly Archives: September 2013

Today we welcome the Bishop of Repton, Rt Rev Humphrey Southern to lead us in our celebration of the 150th Anniversary of the rebuilding of St. Michael’s, Sutton-on-the-Hill and thanksgiving for Harvest. We also welcome our friends from Boylestone & Church Broughton Methodist Churches and Rev. Stella Mills, minister for Boylestone Chapel together with the Long Lane Choir and those from the other parishes in the benefice and other friends.The collect and readings are printed in the order of service
Readings: 1 Chronicles 29.6-19; John 2.13-22
Readings for Trusley Harvest Thanksgiving: Deuteronomy 26:1-11; John 6:25-35
Today – Sutton Harvest & 150th Anniversary of rebuilding
10.30a.m. United Holy Communion – Sutton
Celebrant & Preacher: The Bishop of Repton: Rt Rev Humphrey Southern
1.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Boylestone
3.00p.m. Holy Baptism – Sutton
6.45pm Havest Evensong – Trusley
Monday 7.30p.m. Church Broughton PCC Meeting
Friday 9.15a.m. Longford School Harvest Service
This will be followed by the Macmillan Coffee Morning in Longford School
2.15p.m. Church Broughton School Harvest Service
7.00p.m. Boylestone Harvest Thanksgiving followed by the Harvest Supper
7.30p.m. Sutton Harvest Supper
7.30p.m. Longford Harvest Supper
Next Sunday – Trinity 19 – Harvest Thanksgiving at Boylestone, Church Broughton & Longford
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Harvest Praise – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Harvest Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Michael and All Angels. Pray that the Church as a body will be empowered to stand up against the powers of darkness in our world and
bring God’s light into the world
.Southwestern Virginia – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Mark Allen Bourlakas
Monday   Spokane – (VIII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd James Waggoner
Springfield – (V, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Daniel Martins
Diocesan Communications Committee
Tuesday St Albans – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Alan Smith
St Albans – Bedford – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Richard Atkinson
St Albans – Hertford – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Paul Bayes
Fresh Expressions. Pray for all those involved in Fresh Expressions of Church
Wednesday    St Asaph – (Wales) The Rt Revd Gregory Cameron
Royal School of Church Music Pray for all Church Choirs
Thursday St David’s – (Wales) The Rt Revd John Evans
Bell Ringers
Friday  St Edmundsbury & Ipswich – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Nigel William Stock
St Edmundsbury & Ipswich – Dunwich – (Canterbury, England) Vacant
Religious Communitie
Saturday  St Helena – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Richard Fenwick
St Mark the Evangelist – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Martin Breytenbach
Retreat Houses
Sunday Groaner
Some musings on everyday life….
I live in my own little world, but it’s ok… they know me here.
I don’t do drugs or alcohol, ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your rubbish bin probably has better food in it than 30 percent of the people in this world.
Every time I go to a singles bar, I can hear my mother’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in college – you’ll be working for them in the future.
The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
The Lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.
I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Long ago when old people cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address)


Readings Amos 8.4-7; Timothy 2.1-7; Luke 16.1-13
Long Lane Harvest Readings Deuteronomy 26.1-11; Philippians 4.4-9; John 6.25-35
Today – Trinity 17 – Long Lane Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion –  Long Lane
6.30p.m. Evensong – RadbourneTuesday 7.30p.m. Long Lane PCC – The Old Forge
7.30p.m. Long Lane Harvest Supper – Wyaston
Next Sunday – Sutton Harvest & 150th Anniversary of rebuilding
10.30a.m. United Holy Communion – SuttonCelebrant & Preacher: The Bishop of Repton: Rt Rev Humphrey Southern1.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Boylestone
3.00p.m. Holy Baptism – Sutton
6.45p.m. Harvest Evensong – Trusley
We remember in our prayers
Today Upper Shire (Central Africa) Bishop Brighton Vitta Malasa
Gujarat: Bishop Vinodkumar Malaviya
Monday   Southern Nyanza (Kenya): Bishop James Ochiel
Industrial Mission
Tuesday  Southern Ohio (USA): Bishop Thomas Breidenthal
Church Mission Society
Wednesday    Southern Philippines: Bishop Danilo Labacanacruz Bustamante
All Missionary Societies
Thursday Southern Virginia (USA) Bishop Herman Hollerith
Mission & Ministry Team: Andy Broom, Lee Townend, Stella Collishaw, Esther Elliott, Alison Maddocks, Simon Taylor, Gareth Greenwood
Friday  Southwark: Bishop Christopher Chessun
Southwark – Croydon: Bishop Johnathan Clark
Southwark – Kingston: Bishop Richard Cheetham
Southwark – Woolwich: Bishop Michael Ipgrave
Churches Together in Derbyshire
Saturday  Southwell & Nottingham: VacantSouthwell & Nottingham – Sherwood: Bishop Anthony Porter
Derby Church Net
Sunday Groaner
On the perils of Harvest

The Rectory
St. James the Least

My dear Nephew Darren

In the unlikely event of ever being put in charge of designing the course for those being trained for ordination, I would make a few significant changes. Modules on doctrine, Church history and Greek would all be dropped as unnecessary. In their place, I would add courses on how to run a tight jumble sale, ways to keep your church council in order – and especially close to my heart at present, how to negotiate Harvest.

The first skirmish starts in early Summer when it becomes clear that the flower arrangers’ plans mean that the choir would disappear behind a huge array of chrysanthemums. The choir then retaliate by announcing that their Harvest anthem must take place just when the Sunday School intended to re-enact the parable of the Good Samaritan. They, in turn, raise the stakes by insisting that a stage will be needed for their performance, thus ensuring that I will be separated from the congregation by an impenetrable barricade.

In September, therefore, there is the traditional meeting to iron out all these little difficulties. This inevitably results with the annual act of the verger handing in his resignation, of the bell ringers threatening a mass walk-out, and those who organise coffee afterwards demanding that my sermon lasts no more than 3 minutes, so there will be plenty of time for socialising after the Service.

I greet all suggestions with a spontaneous burst of indifference, smile, agree with it all – and do nothing (this, incidentally, is a good policy for all decision-making). Inevitably, everything goes ahead exactly as it has always done for the last century.

Come the day, there will be the usual arrangement of eggs round the font, with the strategically placed card saying “Given anonymously by Elsie Jones” and the pyramid of apples temptingly near the choirboys, so designed that when someone tries to pinch one during the sermon, the whole pile disintegrates as they roll all over the chancel.

On the following Friday, all will leave after the Harvest Supper saying that the entertainment was worse than the previous year and that the absence of red cabbage had quite ruined the hot pot. Everyone therefore has an enjoyable evening

My Harvest training course would be compulsory and a pass mark of 90% would be needed before ordination could be considered.

Your loving uncle,
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address)


Readings Exodus 32.7-14; 1 Timothy 1.12-17; Luke 15.1-10
Today  Trinity 16
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion –  Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Friday 2.45p.m. Long Lane School Harvest Service (in church)
Next Sunday – Trinity 17 – Long Lane Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion –  Long Lane
6.30p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
We remember in our prayers
Today Sokoto – (Kaduna, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Augustine Omole
Kolhapur Bishop Bathuel Tiwade
Monday   South Western Brazil – (Brazil) The Rt Revd Francisco De Assis Da Silva
Wormhill and Peak Forest with Peak Dale and Dove Holes Clergy: Carl Edwards, Mary Washbrook; Reader: Pamela Sutherland
Tuesday  Southeast Florida – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Leopold Frade
Southwest Florida – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Dabney Smith
Food Banks. Pray for all involved in supporting our communities through food banks and other initiatives to help the hungry and needy in our towns and cities
Wednesday    Southeastern Mexico – (Mexico) The Rt Revd Benito Juarez-Martinez
Padley & Refugee advice. Pray for all working with the homeless and socially excluded people in our local communities
Thursday Southern Brazil – (Brazil) The Rt Revd Humberto Maiztegue
Church Urban Fund. Pray for all those working with the marginalised in our communities and helping to tackle poverty in our country
Friday  Southern Highlands – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd John Mwela
Christian Aid. Pray for those working to eradicate poverty across our world
Saturday  Southern Malawi – (Central Africa) The Rt Revd Dr James Tengatenga
Matthew, Apostle and Evangelist Pray for all Christians that they may have the strength to share what following Christ means to them
Sunday Groaner
I know what you meant, but it’s not what you said….
These are classics – real life extracts from church bulletins and announcements that didn’t come out quite in the way intended!
* From a pew-sheet: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.
* Announcement in an Episcopalian pew-sheet: Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8pm in the church recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* Report in a church magazine: Miss Charlene Mason sang I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* From a pew-sheet: Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. Now’s your chance to get rid of all those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
* From an announcement: The sermon this morning is entitled ‘Jesus Walks on the Water’. The sermon tonight will be: ‘Searching for Jesus’.
* From a pew-sheet: Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. Do go along if you can sing at all. They need all the help they can get.
* From an announcement: Sadly, Barbara remains in the hospital awaiting more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping, and has requested tapes of the minister’s sermons.
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address)

Parish Pump 8th September 2013

Readings Deuteronomy 30.15-20; Philemon 1-21; Luke 14.25-33
Today  Trinity 15
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion –  Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
Saturday All day – Ride & Stride at all churches
Church Broughton Village Show in Church (entries 10-12noon; open from 2pm)
Next Sunday – Trinity 15
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion –  Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Sebei – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Augustine Arapyona Salimo
Buxton Deanery Rural Dean: John Hudghton, Lay Chair: Christine McMullen
Monday   Sekondi (Ghana) – (West Africa) The Rt Revd Col John Otoo
Buxton Trinity Church. Clergy: Robert Marsden, Paul Hancock
Tuesday  Seychelles – (Indian Ocean) The Rt Revd James Richard Wong Yin Song
Buxton with Burbage and King Sterndale Team Ministry Clergy: John Hudghton, Keith Cocking;
Readers: John Wood, Michael Moore, John Cooper
Wednesday   Shinyanga – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Charles Kija Ngusa
Chapel-en-le-Frith St Thomas Beckett Clergy: Nick Bralesford
Thursday Shyira – (Rwanda) The Rt Revd Dr Laurent Mbanda
Shyogwe – (Rwanda) The Rt Revd Jered Kalimba
Fairfield St Peter Clergy: Carl Edwards; Reader: Christine McMullen
Friday  Sialkot – (Pakistan) The Rt Revd Samuel Pervaiz
Taddington Chelmorton and Monyash Clergy: Richard Benson; Reader: David Rac
Saturday  Sittwe – (Myanmar) The Rt Revd Dr James Min Dein
Sunday Groaner
Hearing is not believing
A wise schoolteacher sent this note to all parents on the first day of school: ‘If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home.’
Deliver us…
I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Cathy, the Lord’s Prayer. Then one evening at bedtime she attempted it solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some e-mail. Amen”
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at