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Monthly Archives: October 2013

Readings Ecclesiasticus 35.12-17; 2 Timothy 4.6-8,16-18; Luke 18.9-14
Today – Last after Trinity
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Thursday 2.00p.m. Funeral of Della Worthington – Sutton
Next Sunday – All Saints’ Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Sutton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Advance Notice
Preparing for Christmas – a look at Advent on Wednesday evenings in November at The Old Forge, Long Lane starting Wednesday 6th November. Come for supper first at 6.30 pm or ready with your thoughts at 7.30 pm for an hour of listening and talking based on this year’s York course for Advent. All welcome but please let us know if you are coming for supper for catering purposes (simple hot pot/stew followed by fresh fruit). Contacts: The Rector 01283 585296 or Jane Almond 01332 824576.
We remember in our prayers
Today Torit – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Bernard Oringa Balmoi
Nagpur Bishop Paul Dupare
Monday  Toronto – (Ontario, Canada) The Most Revd Colin Robert Johnson
Toronto – Trent Durham – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Linda Carol Nicholls
Toronto – York – Credit Valley Area – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Maurice Philip Poole
Toronto – York – Scarborough – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Patrick Tin-Sik Yu
Toronto – York – Simcoe – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Peter Fenty
Simon and Jude, Apostles
Pray for all those working among the different ethnic groups within our Diocese
Tuesday Toungoo – (Myanmar) The Rt Revd Dr Saw Wilme
Longstone, Curbar and Stoney Middleton. Clergy: Christopher Benson, Lida Ellsworth
Wednesday  Trichy-Tanjore – (South India) The Rt Revd Dr Gnanamuthu Paul Vasanthakumar
Tideswell St John the Baptist
Clergy: Simon White; Readers: Elizabeth Moore-Coulson, Richard Moore-Coulson, Nicola Pepper
Thursday Trinidad & Tobago – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Claude Berkley
Wormhill St Margaret of Antioch
Friday  Truro – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Timothy Thornton
Truro – St Germans – (Canterbury, England) The Revd Christopher David Goldsmith
All Saints’ Day
Saturday  Tuam, Killala & Achonry – (Armagh, Ireland) The Rt Revd Patrick William Rooke
Youlgreave and Middleton, Stanton-in-Peak and Birchover Clergy: Garrie Griffiths; Readers: A. Elphick
Sunday Groaner
Vampire problems
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, were travelling through Europe in their car, sight-seeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumped onto the hood of the car and hissed at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” cried Sister Mary Agnes, “What should we do?”
“Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” said Sister Mary Vincent. So Sister Mary Agnes switched on the wipers, which knocked the mini-Dracula around. But, he hung on and continued hissing at the nuns.
“What shall I do now?” Sister Mary Agnes screamed.
“Try the windscreen washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican,” replied Sister Mary Vincent. So Sister Mary Agnes turned on the windshield washer. The vampire screamed as the water burnt his skin, but he hung on and continued hissing at the nuns.
“Now what?” gasped Sister Mary Agnes.
Sister Mary Vincent thought quickly. “Show him your cross.”
“Now you’re talking,” says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opened the window and shouted,
“Hey you, get the heck off our car!” Henry Ford’s secret
When the late Mr and Mrs Henry Ford celebrated their golden wedding anniversary, a reporter asked them: “To what do you attribute your fifty years of successful married life?”
“The formula,” said Ford, “Is the same formula I have always used in making cars – just stick to one model.”
Hymn or maths?
A father had taken his small son to church. The boy listened attentively without saying a word until the clergyman announced: “We will now sing hymn two hundred and twenty-two: ‘Ten Thousand Times Ten Thousand’, two hundred and twenty-two.”
Alarmed the little boy nudged his father. “Do we have to work this out?”

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Readings Genesis 32.22-31; 2 Timothy 3.14-4.5; Luke 18.1-8
Harvest Readings (Dalbury): Deuteronomy 26:1-11; Philippians 4:4-9; John 6:25-35
Today- Trinity 21 Dalbury Harvest Thanksgiving
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Dalbury
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Radbourne
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Monday 8.00p.m. Sutton PCC
Tuesday 10.00a.m. Funeral of Brian Stephenson – Church Broughton
Wednesday 7.00p.m. Longford PCC
Thursday Harvest Lunch at Laurel Farm, Burnaston
Friday 2.30p.m. Longford School ServiceSaturday 2.00p.m. Wedding – Long LaneNext Sunday – Last after Trinity8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – TrusleyWe remember in our prayers
Today The Arctic (Rupert’s Land, Canada) Bishop Darren McCartney
Bakewell & Eyam Deanery Rural Dean Tony Kaunhoven; Lay Chairman E.H. Fraser -SmithMonday  The Murray (South Australia) Vacant
Monday
Bakewell, Ashford-in-the-Water with Sheldon & Rowsley Clergy: Tony Kaunhoven, Aron Simpson; Readers: Caroline Storr, Gordon Mayer, Pat Bryant
Tuesday Tohoku (Japan) Bishop John Hiromichi Kato
Baslow & Eyam Clergy: Adam Innes (Generational Pastor) Reader: Joanna Shapland
Wednesday  Thika (Kenya) Bishop Gideon Githiga
Beeley & Edensor Clergy: David Perkins; Reader: S V Mathe
Thursday Tirunelveli (South India) Bishop Jayaraj Christdoss
Edale, Holy & Undivided Trinity: Clergy: Simon Cocksedge
Friday  Toamasina (Indian Ocean) Bishop Jean Paul Solo
Hathersage with Bamford and Derwent and Grindleford: Readers: Roger Mather, John Brunskill
Saturday  Tokyo (Japan) Bishop Andrew Yoshimichi Ohata
Hope , Castleton & Bradwell: Clergy: Ian Davies, Josephine Barnes; Reader: D H Hawkins
Sunday Groaner
Miscellaneous observations on life:
~ A lot of people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
~ Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
~ Any small object, when dropped, will hide under a larger object.
~ Anyone can do any amount of work – provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
~ Anyone who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic warden.
~ Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
~ One reason why a dog is such a lovable creature is that his tail wags instead of his tongue.
~ The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Dead cow
A farmer was trying hard to fill out an extensive and complicated railway company claim sheet for a cow that had been killed on the track. Finally he came down to the very last item: ‘Disposition of the carcass.’
After puzzling over the question for some time, he wrote: “Kind and gentle.”
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings 2 Kings 5.1-3,6-15c; 2 Timothy 2.8-15; Luke 17:11-19
Harvest Readings at Radbourne: Philippians 4:4-9; John 6:25-35
Today- Trinity 20 – Harvest Thanksgiving at Radbourne
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.300a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Radbourne
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
SATURDAY 7.30p.m. ORGAN CONCERT BY JOHN GOULD & DAVID WELLS at St Andrew’s Radbourne
Admission Free – Donations invited. Please come and tell your friends to come as well
Next Sunday – Trinity 21 Dalbury Harvest Thanksgiving
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Dalbury
2.30p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Tamale (Ghana) – (West Africa)
The Rt Revd Dr Jacob Ayeebo Mumbai Bishop Prakash Patole
Monday  Tanga – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Maimbo Mndolwa
Tarime – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Dr R Mwita Akiri Somercotes St Thomas
Tuesday Tasmania – (Ex-P, Australia) The Rt Revd John Harrower
South Normanton St Michael & All Angels. Clergy:Stephen M Potter
Wednesday     Temotu – (Melanesia) The Rt Revd George Takeli
Swanwick and Pentrich. Clergy: Carole Lloyd; Readers: Maurice Greasley, Mary Bennett, Brian Kirkland, Carole Kirsop
Thursday Terekeka – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Micah Laila DawidiPrison Service. Pray for Prison Officers and all working in the Prison Service
Friday Texas – (VII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Andrew Doyle
1. Suffragan Bishop of Texas – (VII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Dena Harrison Luke the Evangelist. Pray for
Physicians, Surgeons and all those involved in the healing professions.
Saturday  Thoothukudi – Nazareth – (South India) The Rt Revd Dr John Jacob Jebachandran
Police Service. Pray for all Police Officers and those working in the Police Service

Sunday Groaner
On publishing my book
The Rectory
St. James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
After all these years, who would have believed it: to have my own book printed. I must admit, I had imagined a leather-bound volume with gold leaf lettering on the spine – perhaps even titled “Volume One”, implying future delights when further work would appear. A paperback, held together with glue was a slight disappointment. The publisher’s reason for a print run of 50, saying that it meant fewer would have to be dumped in cut-price bookshops was not what I had expected either.
He seemed to think that my commentary on Eusebius’s tables for cross-referencing the gospels, as explained in his letter to Carpianus, would not have mass interest. While I concede it will be unlikely to dent the sales of Harry Potter, and that I am unlikely to be involved in negotiating the film rights, I had hoped for slightly more enthusiasm for this stride forward in global knowledge.
The excitement of the book launch and signing was also tempered when only the bishop arrived, expecting a free copy, so he could mark it for theological errors. My suggestion that he take a copy to colour it in did not go down well. I suspect I will not now be asked to deliver a paper on it at the next clergy conference.
I was briefly excited when several parishioners came into the shop. But it turned out that one wanted to book a baptism with me, and another wanted to complain that at his recent wedding, I had nearly married the best man to the bride. I was tempted to tell him that the time may come when he wished I had, but decided that would be another sale lost.
I could not even console myself with a free drink. The publisher had only brought two bottles of that particular white wine, of unknown origin, that seems specially reserved for book launches and retirement parties. I suspect it derives less from a vineyard and more from a laboratory. One bottle he kept for himself and the other disappeared after my Confirmation class came in to ask whether the book would be serialised on TV.
In the end, I bought all 50 copies myself, placed a note in the bookshop window saying that, due to exceptional demand, the print run had been entirely sold out. It has also solved the annual problem of Christmas presents; in your case, a second copy will probably arrive for your birthday too.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Harvest Readings: Deuteronomy 8:7-18;  2 Corinthians 9:6-15;  Luke 12:16-30
Readings: Habakkuk 1.1-4; 2.1-4; Luke 17.5-10
Today- Trinity 19 – Harvest Thanksgiving at Boylestone, Church Broughton & Longford
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Harvest Praise – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Harvest Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Saturday 2.00p.m. Jonah the Groaner – Children’s Day at Boylestone
2.30p.m. Putting on the Ritz – Netty Hornblower Fashion Show at Brailsford Institute in aid of St Andrew’s, Radbourne
Next Sunday – Trinity 20 – Harvest Thanksgiving at Radbourne
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Radbourne
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
ADVANCE NOTICE
SATURDAY,
19TH OCTOBER ORGAN CONCERT BY JOHN GOULD & DAVID WELLS at St Andrew’s RadbourneAdmission Free – Donations invited. Please come and tell your friends to come as wellWe remember in our prayers
Today Sunyani (Ghana) – (West Africa) The Rt Revd Dr Festus Yeboah-AsuamahAlfreton Deanery. Rural Dean: Philip Brooks, Lay Chair: Edward Latham
Monday  Swansea & Brecon – (Wales) The Rt Revd John DaviesAlfreton St Martin Clergy: Frank Mercurio; Reader: Margaret Cook
Tuesday Swaziland – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Ellinah Wamukoya
Blackwell with Tibshelf. Clergy: Gill Manley, Derek Hesketh, Sally Mason; Reader: Robert Needham
Wednesday    Sydney – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Dr Glenn Davies
Sydney – Liverpool – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Peter Tasker
Sydney – North – (New South Wales, Australia) Vacant
Sydney – South – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Robert Forsyth
Sydney – West – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Ivan Lee
Sydney – Wollongong – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Al Stewart
Crich and South Wingfield Clergy: Philip Brooks, David Higgon, James Gray, Alison Redshaw; Readers: Diana Marshall, Joyce Brooks, Richard
Port, Diane Fretwell, Dennis Hooton
Thursday Tabora – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Elias Chakupewa
Morton and Stonebroom with Shirland. Clergy: Margaret Jacques, John Wood, Chrissie Wood, John Epton;
Readers: David Hadfield, Julian Penfold
Friday Taita-Taveta – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Samson Mwaluda
Pinxton St Helen Clergy: Leslie Harris, Penny Goodchild
Saturday  Taiwan – (VIII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd David Lai
Riddings and Ironville. Clergy: Frank Mercurio
Sunday Groaner
Did I mean what I just said?….
The following are genuine notes left for milkmen. You know what they mean, but…?!
~ Dear Milkman: I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.
~ Cancel one pint after the day after today.
~ Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.
~ Please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops of the milk.
~ Please cancel the milk. I have nothing coming into the house except two sons on the dole.
~ Please bring me a form about cheap milk, as my boyfriend has made me stagnant.
~ Please do not leave milk at no. 14 as he is dead until further notice.

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com