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Monthly Archives: December 2013

Readings Isaiah 63.7-9; Hebrews 2.10-18; Matthew 2.13-23
Today  – Christmas 1          
10.30a.m. United Service – Church Broughton Methodist Church     12.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Long Lane
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
Monday
11.00am Funeral of Mary Elizabeth Slack – Dalbury
Next Sunday – Epiphany
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Tuesday 6th January
11a.m. Funeral of Maurice Samuel Redfern – Boylestone
Sunday Groaner
Snowman
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? – Frostbite.
Wise
A little boy rushed home from school and said excitedly: “I got a part in the Christmas play!”
“What part?” asked his mother.
“I’m one of the three wise guys!”
Children’s version of the Christmas story
– When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
– When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta
– Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!
Old Testament Reading Isaiah 9.2-7;  or Isaiah 62.6-12 or Isaiah 52.7-10
New Testament Reading Titus 2.11-14 or Titus 3.4-7 or Hebrews 1.1-4(5-12)
Gospel Luke 2.1-14 (15-20) or Luke 2.(1-7)8-20 or John 1.1-14

Notices for the week
Christmas Eve
5.00p.m. Crib Service-Church Broughton
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion     – Church Broughton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – Longford
Christmas Day
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
10.15a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
Next Sunday – (after Christmas)
10.30a.m. United Service – Church Broughton Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
Christmas Groaner
The Twelve Days of Christmas(or Everlasting Turkey)
On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me
“I’m so glad we bought a turkey and a proper Christmas Tree”
On the second day of Christmas much laughter could be heard
As we tucked into our turkey – a most delicious bird.
On the third day of Christmas we’d friends in from next door,
The turkey tasted just as good as it had the day before.
On the fourth day of Christmas, Gran came – she’s rather old.
We finished up the Christmas pud – and the turkey cold.
On the fifth day of Christmas outside the snowflakes flurried,
But we were nice and warm inside – we ate the turkey curried.
On the sixth day of Christmas the turkey spirit died.
The children fought and bickered – we ate the turkey fried.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave a wince
When he sate down for dinner and was given turkey mince.
On the eight day of Christmas, the dog ran off for shelter,
I served up turkey pancakes and a glass of alkaseltzer.
On the ninth day of Christmas by lunchtime Dad was blotto.
He knew that bird was back again – this time as a risotto.
On the tenth day of Christmas, the air was rather blue
As everybody grumbled at eating turkey stew.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Christmas tree was moulting,With chilli and spicy sauce, the turkey was revolting.On the twelfth day of Christmas we had smiles on our lipsThe guests had gone – the turkey too. We dined on fish and chips!
Snowman
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? – Frostbite.
Wise
A little boy rushed home from school and said excitedly: “I got a part in the Christmas play!”
“What part?” asked his mother.
“I’m one of the three wise guys!”
The Christmas stars
Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be as the clocks chimes midnight on Christmas Eve. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter.
Stronger
Statistics prove we’re all getting stronger. Fifty years ago you needed an estate car to hold £50 worth of Christmas presents. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry £20 worth of Christmas groceries – now a five-year-old can do it.Top ten things to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like
10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Well, well, well …
8. Oh dear. If I had not recently shot up four sizes that would’ve fit.
7. This will be perfect for wearing around the garage.
6. Goodness. I hope this never catches fire! Though, there are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it – but I fear the jealousy it will inspire if I go out in it.
3. Sadly, I am allergic to whatever this is made of.
2. To think – I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
1. What have I done to deserve this?
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Isaiah 7.10-16; Romans 1.1-7; Matthew 1.18-25
Today – 4th Sunday in Advent
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
6.30p.m. Carol Service – Sutton7.00p.m. Carol Service – Long Lane
Tuesday 24th December 
5.00p.m. Church Broughton Crib Service
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.30p.m. Holy Communion -Church Broughton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – Longford
Christmas Day    
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
10.15a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
Next Sunday  – Christmas 1
10.30a.m. United Service – Church Broughton Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Yokohama – (Japan) The Rt Revd Laurence Yutaka Minabe
Derby Hospitals: David Ashton. Marise Hargreaves, Harold Jones, Jane Lyon
Monday  Yola – (Jos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Markus Ibrahm
Derbyshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust: (Kingsway, Derby) Andrew Hope
Tuesday   York – (York, England) The Most Revd & Rt Hon Dr John Sentamu
York – Beverley – (York, England) The Rt Revd Glyn Webster
York – Hull – (York, England) The Rt Revd Richard Frith
York – Selby – (York, England) The Rt Revd Martin Wallace
York – Whitby – (York, England) VacantSudbury & Foston Hall Prisons.
Wednesday  Ysabel – (Melanesia) The Rt Revd Richard Naramana
All who are lonely today
Thursday Yukon – (British Columbia & the Yukon, Canada) The Rt Revd Larry David Robertson
The Social Services
Friday  Zaria – (Kaduna, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Cornelius Salifu Bello
Zaki-Biam – (Abuja, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Benjamin Vager
The armed forces
Saturday  Zanzibar – (Tanzania) The Revd Michael Hafidh
The emergency services
Sunday Groaner
On how to make the most of carol singing
The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
Carol singing is not what it used to be. My fond memories of a group of choristers, muffled in scarves and overcoats, carrying lanterns and walking from door to door in the snow, as they sang ‘While shepherds watched …’ had to be suddenly revised when I saw your own music group, in T-shirts inscribed with ‘Jesus loves You’, singing ‘Little donkey’, in your shopping centre. I suspect any money you raised would just about have paid for the electricity used to power your banks of electronic equipment. Singing in the main square of the Centre next to the fountain may have looked good, but it seemed to mean that the choirmen were obliged to make constant trips to the lavatory.
Here at St. James the Least of All, carol singing is regarded as a staff perk for the choir; the year when the Boys’ Brigade tried to break their monopoly was suppressed with a ruthlessness that would have impressed Genghis Kahn.
Our annual carol-singing route involves months of meticulous planning. We find that a transparent collection box is vital, so that donors can see what earlier patrons have given. This means that those who are bound to put in notes must be visited first – ‘pour encourager les autres’. It also needs a detachable base, so that if coppers are given, they can be removed from sight before the next call.
Those homes that contain several children are visited just after bed-time, so that parents will give generously simply to get the choir to go somewhere else. Veiled threats to stay and sing more carols (unless they give generously) are usually very effective. Getting whoever looks the most innocent and photogenic to ring the bell and ask for money is a far more subtle way of ensuring a donation than planting any number of mafia lookalikes (such as our church treasurer) on the doorstep.
The choir always finishes its evening at the local pub – but again, the timing has to be carefully managed. Too early and there will only be the landlord, his wife and their Labrador to listen; too late and people will be so full of Christmas cheer that any carols will be hi-jacked and become the equivalent of back-of-the bus rugby songs.
I am never entirely sure what charity our choristers collect for, but the fact that all the men return to the pub once the boys are taken home does rather give one pause for thought.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Isaiah 35.1-10; James 5.7-10; Matthew 11.2-11
Today – 3rd Sunday in Advent
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
3.00p.m. Carol Service – Dalbury
Monday 11.00a.m. Funeral of Joy Fox
Carol Singing around Church Broughton
Tuesday 7.30p.m. Carol Service – Church Broughton
Thursday 2.00p.m. School Carols – Church Broughton7.30p.m. Carol Service – Trusley
Carol Singing around Sutton
Friday  2.30p.m. School Christingle – Longford7.00p.m. Carol Service – Boylestone
Next Sunday – 4th Sunday in Advent
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
6.30p.m. Carol Service – Sutton7.00p.m. Carol Service – Long Lane
Tuesday 24th December 
5.00p.m. Church Broughton Crib Service
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.30p.m. Holy Communion -Church Broughton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – Longford
Christmas Day            
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
10.15a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
Sunday 29th December             
10.30a.m. United Service – Church Broughton Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Wusasa – (Kaduna, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Ali Buba Lamido
Glossop Deanery Rural Dean: Christine Wilson, Lay Chair: Peter Collard
Monday  Wyoming – (VI, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd John Smylie
Charlesworth-with-Gamesley and Dinting Vale Clergy: Robert Heeley, Ian Stubbs, Felicity Walters; Readers: Lynda Staples, Janet Procter
Tuesday   Yambio – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Peter Munde Yacoub
Glossop All Saints Clergy: Ian Stubbs, Robert Heeley, Norman Shaw, Felicity Walters; Reader: Michael Wilson
Wednesday  The Most Revd Stephen Than Myint Oo Archbishop of Myanmar and Bishop of Yangon
Assistant Bishop of Yangon – (Myanmar) The Rt Revd Samuel Htang Oak
Hadfield St Andrews Clergy: Felicity Walters, Ian Stubbs, Robert Heeley, Bryony Wood; Readers: Nicola Goodhew, John Roberts, Vincent Ryder
Thursday  Yei – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Hilary Luate Adeba
Hayfield and Chinley with Buxworth Clergy:Hilary Edgerton; Readers: Mary Parker, Geoffrey Carrier
Friday  Yewa (form. Egbado) – (Lagos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Simeon Adebola
New Mills St George Clergy: John Baines, John Overton; Readers: Martyn Long, Thyra Long, T.B. Spires
Saturday  Yirol – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Daniel Deng Abil
Whitfield St James Clergy: Andrew Hargreaves, Brian Magorrian;
Readers: Stephen Mitchell, A.W. Wilson
Sunday Groaner
True responses on Science tests
~ One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
~ You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
~ When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
~ When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.
~ While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
~ Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime.
~ A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
Red
What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Father Christmas rolling down a hill.

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Christmas throughout the benefice
Sunday 15th December 
3.00p.m. Dalbury Carol Service
Monday 14th December
Carol Singing around Church Broughton
Tuesday 17th December
7.30pm Church Broughton Carol Service
Thursday 19th December
7.30pm Trusley Carol ServiceCarol Singing around Sutton
Friday 20th December  
7.00p.m. Boylestone Carol Service
Sunday 22nd December
6.30p.m. Sutton-on-the-Hill Carol Service
7.00p.m. Long Lane Carol Servicee
Tuesday 24th December 
5.00p.m. Church Broughton Crib Service
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.30p.m. Holy Communion -Church Broughton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – Longford
Christmas Day            
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
10.15a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
Sunday 29th December
10.30a.m. United Service – Church Broughton Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane

Readings Isaiah 11.1-10; Romans 15.4-13; Matthew 3.1-12

Today – 2nd Sunday in Advent
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
3.00p.m. Carol Service – Radbourne
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Carol Service – Longford
Tuesday
2.15pm & 6.30p.m. Long Lane School Nativity Play
Thursday 
12.30p.m. Christmas Lunch for Dalbury c/o Jyan & Robin Goodall
Next Sunday – 3rd Sunday in Advent
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
3.00p.m. Carol Service – Dalbury
Monday 16th December
11.00a.m. Funeral of Joy Fox
We remember in our prayers
Today  Western North Carolina – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Porter TaylorRajasthan Bishop Warris Masih
Monday  South West Tanganyika – (Tanzania) Vacant
Western Tanganyika – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Sadock Makaya
Whittington Clergy: Jo Morris, Janet Quick; Reader: Patricia Bottomley
Tuesday  Wiawso (Ghana) – (West Africa) The Rt Revd Abraham Ackah
Wingerworth All Saints
Clergy:Jenn Willis; Readers: Anne Knyhynyckyj, Trevor Birch;
Wednesday  Willochra – (South Australia, Australia) The Rt Revd John Stead
County Council Pray for all County Councillors
Thursday  Winchester – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Tim Dakin
Winchester – Basingstoke – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Peter Hancock
Winchester – Southampton – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Jonathan Frost
Local Councils Pray for all local councillors
Friday  Windward Islands – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Calvert Friday
HMP Sudbury
Saturday  Worcester – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd John Inge
Worcester – Dudley – (Canterbury, England) Vacant
HMP Foston Hall
Sunday Groaner
Children’s version of the Christmas story
– When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
– When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta
– Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
Christmas throughout the benefice
Sunday 15th December 
3.00p.m. Dalbury Carol Service
Monday 14th December
Carol Singing around Church Broughton
Tuesday 17th December
7.30pm Church Broughton Carol Service
Thursday 19th December
7.30pm Trusley Carol ServiceCarol Singing around Sutton
Friday 20th December  
7.00p.m. Boylestone Carol Service
Sunday 22nd December
6.30p.m. Sutton-on-the-Hill Carol Service
7.00p.m. Long Lane Carol Servicee
Tuesday 24th December 
5.00p.m. Church Broughton Crib Service
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.30p.m. Holy Communion -Church Broughton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – Longford
Christmas Day            
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
10.15a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
Sunday 29th December
10.30a.m. United Service – Church Broughton Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address) https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com