Monthly Archives: March 2014

Readings  Ephesians 5.8-14; John 9.1-41
Today – Lent 4
10.30a.m. United Holy Communion – Longford
Monday 7.15p.m. Boylestone Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Wednesday 7.00p.m. Longford Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Pump House
NO Lenten Study this week(back next week)
Thursday Lenten Lunch – Laurels Farm, Burnaston
Next Sunday – Lent 5
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long LaneAdvance Notice
Monday 7th April Sutton Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Monday 14th April Trusley Annual Parochial Church Meeting
We remember in our prayers
Today Ireland The Most Revd Dr Richard Lionel Clarke Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland and Metropolitan;
Andaman and Nicobar Islands Christopher Paul
Monday Bukavu – (Congo) The Rt Revd Sylvestre Bahati;
West Hallam and Mapperley with Stanley: Ingrid Owen-Jones, Richard Styles;
Tuesday Bukedi – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Samuel Egesa;
Wilne and Draycott with Breaston Clergy: Christopher Smedley, Maria Przeslawski, Gary Dundas; Readers: April McIntyre, Ruth Pechey;
Wednesday Bunbury – (Western Australia, Australia) The Rt Revd Alan Ewing;
Church Mission Society Thursday Bungoma – (Kenya) The Revd George Mechumo;
Missionary Societies
Friday Bunyoro-Kitara – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Nathan Kyamanywa;
Mission and Ministry team Andy Broom, Lee Townend, Stella Collishaw,, Esther Elliott, Alison Maddocks, Simon Taylor, Gareth Greenwood, Michael Mitton, Jason Kennedy, Sharron Howarth, Rita Brierley, Sally Cartwright and Fiona Bennett Saturday Busan – (Korea) The Rt Revd Onesimus Dongsin Park ;
Churches Together in Derbyshire Sunday Groaner
Why God made mums
These were the answers given by some seven year-olds…
Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows all the passwords we use online.
2. Mostly to clean the house, I think.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. I’ve heard it was some amazing experiment on men that got out of hand.
3. God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and one part of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
3. They have a lot more hair than dads, are softer to hug, and wear woolly jumpers.
Why did God give you to your mother, and not to some other mum?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other kids’ mums like me.
3. Other mums wouldn’t understand about me being afraid in the dark.
What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did your mum need to know about your dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background, like has he put anything too disgusting on Facebook?
3. She needed to check out his bank account, to make sure he could buy her clothes.
Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that no one will ever know.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Dad is, because mum says so. She just helps by reminding him what to do each day.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. Dad was, until Mum found what he had written on Facebook about Granny.
What’s the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but they panic when the dishwasher overflows.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. She takes my brother to football and my sister to violin lessons.
2. To hear her tell it, it’s like she pays bills all day long.
3. I think that must happen during the night, because then she just lies there and sleeps
What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
3. She would understand why the dog needs to sleep with me at night.
If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. She’d be more relaxed about me not doing my homework.
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at


Readings Exodus 17.1-7; Romans 5.1-11; John 4.5-42
Today – Lent 3
8.00a.m. Holy Communion Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Wednesday 7.30p.m. Lenten Study – Vicarage
Thursday  Lenten Lunch – Laurels Farm, Burnaston
Friday The Kings Men (Choral Scholars from King’s College, Cambridge) in Concert at St Michael’s, Sutton-on-the-Hill  7.30p.m.Tickets (including refreshments) £15 adults, £8 children available from Charles Buckston (01283-732247) or Margaret Warner (01283-733193) Early booking is advised
Next Sunday – Lent 4
10.30a.m. United Holy Communion – Longford Advance Notice
Monday 31st March7.15p.m. Boylestone Annual Parochial Church Meerting
Wednesday 2nd April Longford Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Monday 7th April Sutton Annual Parochial Church MeetingMonday 14th April Trusley Annual Parochial Church Meeting
We remember in our prayers
Today  Indian Ocean The Most Revd Ian Gerald James Ernest Archbishop, Province of Indian Ocean & Bishop of Mauritius
Amritsar PK Samantaroy
Monday  Bradford – (York, England) The Rt Revd Nicholas Baines
Ripon and Leeds – (York, England) Vacant
Ripon and Leeds – Knaresborough – (York, England) The Rt Revd James Bell
Wakefield – (York, England) The Rt Revd Stephen Platten
Wakefield – Pontefract – (York, England) The Rt Revd Anthony Robinson
Long Eaton, St Laurence Clergy: Roger Jupp;
Tuesday  Brandon – (Rupert’s Land, Canada) The Rt Revd James Dusan Njegovan
The Annunciation of Our Lord to the Blessed Virgin Mary Pray for Maternity Services and all expectant mothers
Wednesday    Brechin – (Scotland) The Rt Revd Dr Nigel Peyton
Ockbrook with Borrowash, All Saints Clergy: Tim Sumpter, Val Billings; Readers: Robert Russell, Mike Allen
Thursday  The Most Revd Dr Phillip John Aspinall Archbishop of Brisbane & Primate of Australia
Anglican Bishop to the Australian Defence Force – (Australia) The Rt Revd Ian Keese Lambert
Brisbane – Northern Region – (Queensland, Australia) The Rt Revd Dr Jonathan Holland
Brisbane – Southern Region – (Queensland, Australia) The Rt Revd Alison Taylor
Brisbane – Western Region – (Queensland, Australia) The Rt Revd Robert Nolan
Sandiacre, St Giles Clergy: Olaf Trelenberg, Ken Johnson
Friday  Bristol – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Michael Arthur Hill
Bristol – Swindon – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Lee Stephen Rayfield
Sawley, All Saints Readers: Rosemary Moakes, Richard Henderson-Smith, L.M. Thompson
Saturday  British Columbia – (British Columbia & the Yukon, Canada) The Rt Revd Logan McMenamie
Stanton-by-Dale with Dale Abbey and Risley Clergy: Glyn Lucas; Readers: Ralph Homer, Edward Lester, Rachel Hobbs
Sunday Groaner
A minister trained his horse to go when he said: ‘Praise the Lord’, and to stop when he said; ‘Amen’. One day he was out for a gallop when he saw a deep gorge ahead. He kept shouting ‘Amen!’, and finally the horse stopped. The minister was so relieved that he looked up to heaven and said a heartfelt: “Praise the Lord!”
The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address)

ReadingsGenesis 2.15-17; 3.1-7; Romans 5.12-19; Matthew 4.1-11
Today  – Lent 1
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
Wednesday 7.30p.m. Lenten Study – Vicarage
Thursday NO Lenten Lunch
Next Sunday – Lent 2
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion -Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Friday 28th March
The Kings Men (Choral Scholars from King’s College, Cambridge) in Concert at St Michael’s, Sutton-on-the-Hill on Friday 28th March at 7.30p.m.
ickets (including refreshments) £15 adults, £8 children available from Charles Buckston (01283-732247) or Margaret Warner (01283-733193) Early booking is advised
We remember in our prayers
Today   Church of England The Most Revd and Rt Hon Justin Welby Archbishop of CanterburyAgra Dr Prem Prakash Habil|
Monday  Coimbatore – (South India) The Rt Revd Manickam Dorai
Mickleover, St John the Evangelist: Clergy Peter Rowlands, Alun Rowlands, Phyllis Bainbridge, Paul Pritchard; Readers: Joy Andrews;
Tuesday   Bethlehem – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Dr Paul Marshall
Normanton-by-Derby: Neil Barber, Andy Hutchinson, David Todd; Readers: Nigel Selby; Wardens: P, Trethewey, Liam Cremin
Wednesday   Bhopal – (North India) The Rt Revd Robert Ali
Sinfin Moor: Clergy Maire Bradley
Thursday   Bida – (Abuja, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Jonah Kolo
Sinfin, St Stephen: Reader: V Shore
Friday     Birmingham – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd David Andrew Urquhart Birmingham – Aston – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Andrew John Watson
Walbrook Epiphany Team Ministry (Derby St Augustine, Derby St Chad, Derby St James, Derby St Thomas) Clergy: Andy Ward, Simon Cartwright, Patrick Douglas
Saturday   Blackburn – (York, England) The Ven Julian Tudor Henderson
Blackburn – Burnley – (York, England) The Rt Revd John William Goddard
Blackburn – Lancaster – (York, England) The Rt Revd Geoffrey Seagrave PearsonChurches Together in Derbyshire
Sunday Groaner
Clergy conference
A young curate went to a conference at which most of the gathering consisted of bishops, archdeacons and high officials of the Church. The weather was very cold and it was natural perhaps that the older clergy should cluster around the cheerful fire in the dining room as often as possible.
The curate thought that it was about time he did something about this, so next morning he said in a loud voice: “I had a strange dream last night, I dreamt I had died and gone to hell”. After a few moments of dead silence one of the number said “and what did you find there?”
“Just the same as here,” was the reply. “I couldn’t get near the fire for bishops.”

The Parish Pump can be found on the
internet at  (note changed address)