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Monthly Archives: April 2014

Readings Acts 2.14a,22-32; 1 Peter 1.3-9; John 20.19-31
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – 2nd of Easter
8.00a.m.Holy Communion-ChurchBroughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – L:ongford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
NO Evensong at Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Next Sunday – 3rd of Easter
8.00a.m.Holy Communion-ChurchBroughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service-Church Broughton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – L:ongford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Jerusalem & The Middle East The Most Revd Dr Mouneer Hanna Anis President Bishop, Jerusalem & the Middle East & Bishop in Egypt with North Africa and the Horn of Africa
Longford Deanery Rural Dean: Andrew Murphie, Lay Chair: Gordon Thornhill
Monday Central Florida – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Gregory Brewer
Boylestone, Church Broughton, Dalbury, Longford, Long Lane, Radbourne, Sutton-on-the-Hill and Trusley Clergy: Michael Bishop, Jane Legh
Tuesday The Most Revd and Rt Hon Justin Welby Archbishop of Canterbury
Canterbury – Dover – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Trevor Willmott
Canterbury – Ebbsfleet – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Jonathan Goodall
Canterbury – Richborough – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Norman BanksEtwall and Egginton Clergy: Fiona Solman, Fran Grant
Wednesday Central Gulf Coast – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Philip Duncan
Thursday Chichester – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Martin Warner
Chichester – Horsham – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Mark Sowerby
Chichester – Lewes – (Canterbury, England) The Revd Richard Charles Jackson
Hatton, All Saints Clergy: Lee Martin; Reader: Rosalind Evans
Friday Central New York – (II, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Gladstone Adams
Philip and James, Apostles
Saturday Central Newfoundland – (Canada, Canada) The Rt Revd Frederick David Torraville
Western Newfoundland – (Canada, Canada) The Rt Revd Percy David Coffin
Hilton with Marston on Dove,
St Mary Clergy: Andrew Murphie, Sarah Matson de Laurier
Sunday Groaner
Baby
A small boy wanted a baby brother, so his father suggested he pray every night for one. The boy began to pray earnestly, night after night. When nothing happened, he gave up. After a few months his dad said they were going to see mum in the hospital and he was going to get a big surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw his mother holding two babies. “Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?” his dad asked. The little boy thought for a moment and replied: “It is a good thing I stopped praying when I did.”Noise
One night, a minister stumbled into the police stations with a black eye. He explained he had heard a noise in his churchyard and gone to investigate. The next thing he knew, he’d been hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to investigate and he returned some time later, also with a black eye. “Did you get hit by the same person?” his Inspector asked him. “No,” he said. “But I stepped on the same rake.”
Quiet
A mother who took her fidgety seven-year-old to church finally had an idea: about halfway through the long sermon she leaned over and whispered: “If you don’t be quiet, the minister is going to lose his place, and he will have to start all over again.” It worked!
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Palm Gospel Matthew 21.1-11
Readings Isaiah 50.4-9a; Philippians 2.5-11; Matthew 26.14 – 27.66
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Palm Sunday
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Music, Readings and Prayers for Palm Sunday – Longford
Monday 7.00p.m. Trusley Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Tuesday 7.30p.m. Church Broughton Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Vicarage
Wednesday 7.30p.m. Lenten Study – Vicarage
Maundy Thursday 7.30p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
Good Friday 10.00a.m. Devotional Service – Boylestone
2.00p.m., Devotional Service – Sutton
7.00p.m. Said Evensong – Longford
Next Sunday – Easter Day
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m., Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
12.15p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
3.00p.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
6.30p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
We remember in our prayers
Today Jerusalem – Bishop Suheil Dewani
Barrackpore – Brojen Malakar
Monday Calcutta (North India) Bishop Ashok
Biswas
Morley with Smalley & Horsley Woodhouse
Christopher Holden, Martin Jones, Lisa Shemilt,
Rosemary Howarth; Readers: Jan Walker, Judith
Neal, M Haywood
Tuesday Caledonia (British Columbia &
Yukon)
Bishop William John Anderson
Ripley, All Saints – Readers Jonathan, Dawn Holt,
Marian Brookes, Ann Bedford, Jennifer Brearley
Wednesday Calgaryt (Rupertts Land, Canada)
Bishop Gregory Kerr-Wilson
Hospitals
Thursday California (USA) Bishop Marc
Andrus;
Northern California (USA) Bishop Barry Beisner
Maundy Thursday
Friday Cameroon (West Africa) Bishop Dido
Elango
Good Friday
Saturday Canberra & Goulburn (Australia)
Bishop Stuart Robinson
Bishop in Wagga Wagga Genieve Blackwell
Assistant Bishop Trevor Edwards
Holy Saturday
Sunday Groaner
A day for atheists
An atheist complained to a Christian friend, “Christians
have Christmnas & Easter; Muslims have Ramadan,
EVERY relkigion has its holidays. But we atheists” he
said, “have no recognized holidays. It’s an unfair
discrimination, and all just because we say there is no
God.”
“Nonsense”, his friend replied, You’ve had a special day
in your honour for years. We call it April First.
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at
https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

 

 

Readings selected from: Acts 10.34-43; Jeremiah 31:1-67; Colossians 3.1-4I; John 20.1-18; Matthew 28:1-10
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Easter Day
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m., Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
12.15p.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
3.00p.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
6.30p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
Thursday 12.30p.m. Lunch in aid of All Saints, Dalbury – Laurels Farm, Burnaston
7.30p.m. Radbourne Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Friday Dalbury Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Church
Next Sunday – 2nd of Easter
8.00a.m.Holy Communion-ChurchBroughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
NO Evensong at Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
We remember in our prayers
Today Easter Day
Monday Cape Coast (Ghana) – (West Africa) The Rt Revd Daniel Allotey;
Care Homes
Tuesday The Most Revd Dr Thabo Makgoba Archbishop of Capetown and Primate of Southern Africa; Cape Town – Table Bay – (Southern Africa)
The Rt Revd Garth Counsell
Hospice Movement
Wednesday Carlisle – (York, England) The Rt Revd James Scobie Newcome; suffragan Bishop of Penrith – (York, England) The Rt Revd Robert Freeman
St George’s Day – our nation
Thursday Cashel & Ossory – (Dublin, Ireland) The Rt Revd Michael Andrew James Burrows
County Council & Councillors
Friday Central Buganda – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Jackson Matovu
Mark the Evangelist
Saturday Central Ecuador – (IX, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Victor Scantlebury
Local Councils & Councillors
Sunday Groaner
On the perils of building a kitchen in church
The Rectory
St. James the Least
My dear Nephew Darren
It never fails to amaze me how in church life, an issue can suddenly become an Issue. In the last month, we have acquired an Issue: a proposal to convert a space at the back of church into a kitchen. Inevitably, battle lines have been drawn and trenches dug. Attendance at church council meetings have soared and unofficial sub-committees meet in the car park after Services. It’s obvious that feelings are running high, because people have become remarkably polite to one another.
Some who are wildly in favour see it as an opportunity of being able to leave the pews ten minutes early in order to get ready for the rush for weak coffee and damp biscuits. I can already hear in my mind the final hymn being drowned by kettles being filled, biscuit tins opened, cups thunderingly placed on saucers, while the volunteers discuss the dress sense of others in the congregation in deafening whispers.
I was a little surprised to hear that Colonel Wainwright was all in favour – until I realised that it would give him a place to totter into to read his newspaper once he got bored with my sermon, which usually seems to happen in the first minute. Naturally, smaller turf wars have broken out alongside the major battle. There is conflict about whether we should get new crockery, what colour carpeting tiles would look right – and most importantly of all, who will take charge of the coffee rota.
Others are totally against the project: the treasurer dreads the thought of signing yet more cheques, the churchwardens worry about removing pews which have quietly hidden the dry rot, and the theologically angst-ridden agonise about the fact that St. Paul never mentioned coffee after Sabbath worship.
Naturally, I encourage all sides, especially if it will bring any possibility of progress to a halt. I proposed bringing in flasks of coffee, thus stopping anyone being able to escape before the end of the Service; I suggested drinks being brought to people in the pews, thus ruining the Colonel’s hopes of finding a safe haven; I organised a group to study High Priestly attitudes to refreshments in the Temple in Jerusalem in Leviticus.
I am sure that by the time all these groups have come up with their conclusions, we will have safely moved on to fight the next Issue.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Ezekiel 37.1-14 Romans 8.6-11; John 11.1-45
Today – Lent 5
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Monday 7.30p.m. Sutton Fete Planning Meeting followed by Sutton Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Wednesday 9.15a.m. Church Broughton Schools “Good Friday” walk to church
Friday 2.30p.m. Longford School Service
Next Sunday – Palm Sunday
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m., Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Music for Palm Sunday led by the Long Lane Choir – Longford
Advance Notice
Monday 14th April Trusley Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Tuesday 15th April Church Broughton Annual Parochial Church Meeting
We remember in our prayers
Today Japan) The Most Revd Nathaniel Makoto Uematsu Primate of The Nippon Sei Ko Kai & Bishop of Hokkaido
Heanor Deanery Rural Dean: Karen Padley, Lay Chair: Bob Moon
Monday Busoga – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Dr Michael Kyomya
Codor, St James Clergy: Christopher Holden, Martin Jones; Readers: Jane Holden, Margaret Tadman
Tuesday Butare – (Rwanda) The Rt Revd Nathan Gasatura
Heanor, St Lawrence Clergy: Dan Pattimore, Kristy Pattimore; Readers: Ann Turner, Sue Clarke, Sharon Guy
Wednesday Butere – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Michael Sande
Horsley and Denby Clergy: Christopher Holden, Martin Jones; Readers: Terry Welch, Ann Swales;
Thursday Buye – (Burundi) The Rt Revd Sixbert Macumi
Langley Mill, St Andrew Clergy: Dan Pattimore, Helen Penfold, Karen Padley ; Reader: A.J. Whysall;
Friday Byumba – (Rwanda) The Rt Revd Emmanuel Ngendahayo
Christopher Holden, Martin Jones; Readers: M.J. Cuttell, Judith Neal
Saturday Calabar – (Niger Delta, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Tunde Adeleye
Marlpool, All Saints Clergy: Karen Padley; Reader: Steve Rogers
Sunday Groaner
Numbers
A father had taken his small son to church. The boy sat passively until the minister announced: “We will now sing hymn four hundred and twenty-nine: ‘Ten Thousand Times Ten Thousand’….four hundred and twenty-nine.” Alarmed, the boy nudged his father: “Do we have to work this out?”
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com