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Monthly Archives: October 2014

Readings Revelation 7.9-17; 1 John 3.1-3; Matthew 5.1-12
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today -All Saints Sunday
8.000a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Next Sunday -Remembrance Sunday
9 8.30a.m. Holy Communion & Remembrance  – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion & Remembrance  Church Broughton
10.55a.m. Remembrance Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion & Remembrance – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Holy Communion & Remembrance  – Trusley
5.00p.m.  Holy Communion & Remembrance – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong & Remembrance  – Longford
Advance Notice
Saturday 15th November 7.30p.m. Quiz Evening – Boylestone
We remember in our prayers
Today   Cuba
Cuba – (Cuba) The Rt Revd Griselda Delgado Del Carpio
Suffragan Bishop of Cuba – (Cuba) The Rt Revd Ulises Prendes
Derby, The Cathedral Church of All Saints: Clergy:John Davies, Chris Moorsom, Elizabeth Thomson, Simon Taylor, Andy Trenier;
Monday Kabba – (Lokoja, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Steven Akobe
Derby, St Anne and Derby, St John Clergy: Elaine Jones, Theo Holmes
Tuesday Kadugli & Nuba Mountains – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Andudu Adam ElnailDerby, St Barnabas
Clergy: Derek Honour; Readers: Bill Day
Wednesday Kaduna – (Kaduna, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Josiah Idowu-Fearon
Derby, St Luke Clergy: Theo Holmes; Readers: Dawn Perry
Thursday Kafanchan – (Abuja, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Marcus Dogo
Derby, St Paul Clergy: Michael Mitton;
Friday Kagera – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Aaron Kijanjali
Mackworth, St Francis Clergy: Theo Holmes
Saturday Kajiado – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Gadiel Katanga Lenin
Oakwood, The Church on Oakwood Clergy: Peter Bates (Methodist), Paul Newman (RC); Readers: C. Williamson
Sunday Groaner
On why the C of E should never combine parishes
The Rectory
St. James the Least
My dear Nephew Darren
I suppose it had to come, but combining parishes is now firmly on the agenda for our villages. I had always wondered what the first Earl of Stowe was trying to prove, building a church here in 1347 to accommodate 800 people when the total population has never exceeded 250. In the short term – which in this village is measured in centuries – it seems to have been to house the tombs of his 13 successors. I now realise it was to make uniting with adjoining parishes in the twenty-first century more difficult. Clearly the first Earl had formidable foresight. None of our neighbouring churches seem too keen to share their reserves to help maintain our cathedral-sized building.
The threat of the closure of St. Herve the Bard has, inevitably, caused outrage – not so much from its regular congregation of three, but from all those in the village who would never think of attending. People do so like to have a church not to go to.
St. Bregowine, built by a wealthy parishioner in the 19th century because she did not like the high church practices of the parish church of St. Iwig, is refusing to re-unite, even though the two churches stand only 100 yards apart, in a village with a diameter of 300 yards. If only they could get over the trauma of seeing the incumbent putting water in the wine on Easter Day in 1894. Although it must be conceded that the Bregowinians were equally affronted that when the daughter church opened in 1895, they found that the Iwigers had provided no brass troughs at the end of the pews for umbrellas. That they have subsequently refused to install them has only compounded the offence.
Meanwhile St. Plegmund is in discussions with the Church of South India as a way of avoiding uniting with anyone. Should it happen, I will be interested to see what travelling expenses the new incumbent claims. It will be difficult to tell when the present incumbent resigns, as he has not been seen at a clerical meeting for the last 30 years. Some of my colleagues suspect he is mythical, that a bloodless coup took place in the 1980s and that the church is now entirely run by the Mother’s Union.
The church of St. Maximus of Constantinople in our nearest town has rather grandly offered to take all of our churches under its wing, but as a parishioner has pointed out: how could we possibly consider joining with a parish that fought on the other side at the Battle of Bosworth.
In the meantime, we will serenely carry on, as we seem to have done for the past six centuries; parish mergers and reductions in numbers of clergy seem to be of less interest than debating the suggestion that we change the brand of coffee served after Services.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Readings Leviticus 19.1-2,15-18; 1 Thessalonians 2.1-8; Matthew 22.34-46
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Last after Trinity
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley Monday 8.00p.m. Sutton PCC
Wednesday 7.30p.m. An evening with Charles Hanson – Brailsford Institutein aid of St Andrew’s Radbourne.
Ticket £5-00 from Jennie Pegram 01332-824507
Next Sunday – All Saints’ Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today   Ceylon (E-P to the Archbishop of Canterbury)
Colombo – (Ceylon) The Rt Revd Dhiloraj Ranjit Canagasabey
Kurunagala – (Ceylon) The Rt Revd Greg Shantha Kumar Francis
Derby North Deanery Rural Dean: Julian Hollywell, Lay Chair: Rosemary Lancaster
Monday  Jaffna – (South India) The Rt Revd Dr Daniel Selvaratnam Thiagarajah
Breadsall, All Saints Clergy: Alison Maddocks, Diana Morrison CHN; Readers: Jane Williams, Christopher Prior, Fran Monahan, Lecky Allwood
Tuesday  Jalingo – (Jos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Timothy Yahaya
Simon and Jude,
Apostles Pray for all those working among the different ethnic groups within our Diocese
Wednesday   Jamaica & The Cayman Islands – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Dr Howard Gregory
Jamaica – Kingston – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Dr Robert Thompson
Jamaica – Mandeville – (West Indies) Vacant
Jamaica – Montego Bay – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Leon Paul Golding Chaddesden,
St Mary Clergy: Jason Ward; Readers: David Oddie, Ann Oddie
Thursday  Jebba – (Kwara, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Timothy Adewole
Chaddesden, St Philip with Derby St Mark. Clergy: Romita Shrisunder, Michael Futers; Readers:
Maureen Jenkins
Friday  Johannesburg – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Stephen Mosimanegape Moreo
Derby, St Alkmund and St Werburgh. Clergy: Jean Burgess, Ian Mountford; Readers: Hugh Craig, John Parkin
Saturday Jos – (Jos, Nigeria) The Most Revd Benjamin Kwashi
All SaintsDay
Sunday Groaner
Don’t mention it
As part of his talk at a banquet, our minister told some jokes and a few funny stories. Since he planned to use the same anecdotes at a meeting the next day, he asked reporters covering the event not to include them in their articles.
Reading the paper the following morning, he noticed that one well-meaning cub reporter had ended his story on the banquet with the observation “The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published.”
Noise
The wheel of my grocery cart was making a horrible scraping sound as I rolled it through the supermarket. Nevertheless, when I finished my shopping and saw a cartless woman, I offered it up, explaining, “It makes an awful noise, but it works.” “That’s okay,” she said cheerfully, taking it. “I have a husband at home like that.”
Apples
MOTHER: “Bobby, last night I put two apples in this cupboard and now there is only one. How do you explain that?”
BOBBY: “I expect it was so dark I couldn’t see the other one.”

From medical records….allegedly taken from actual medical records, dictated by doctors.
On the second day, the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

She slipped on the ice in early December and her legs went in separate directions.

The patient was released to the outpatient department without dressing.

She is numb from the toes down.
Working

First friend: “Whom are you working for nowadays?”

Second friend: “Same people. The wife and four kids.”
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Isaiah 5.1-7; Philippians 3.4b-14; Matthew 21.33-46
Harvest Readings: Deuteronomy 8:7-18; 2 Corinthians 9:6-15; Luke 17:11-19
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Harvest Church Broughton & Longford
8.00a.m.Holy Communion -Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m.  Evensong -Long Lane
Friday
7.30p.m. Long Lane Harvest Supper – Wyaston Village HallTicket £8-00
Saturday
7.30p.m. Organ Concert by David Wells & John Gould – Radbourne
Next Sunday – Trinity 17 Harvest – Radbourne
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
Advance NoticeFriday 17th October7.30p.m. Sutton Harvest SupperSunday 19th October11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – DalburyThursday 23rd OctoberHarvest Lunch – Laurel Farm Burnastonin aid of All Saints Dalbury
Wednesday 29th October
7.30p.m. An evening with Charles Hanson – Brailsford Institutein aid of St Andrew’s Radbourne.
Ticket £5-00 from Jennie Pegram 01332-824507
We remember in our prayers
Today  Wales The Most Revd Dr Barry Morgan Archbishop of Wales & Bishop of Llandaff
Durgapur Dr Probal Kanto Dutta
Monday   Ihiala – (Niger, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Ralph Okafor
Taddington, Chelmorton and Monyash, Harlington, Biggin and Earl Sterndale Clergy: Richard Benson; Readers: David Race;
Tuesday  Ijebu – (Lagos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Ezekiel Awosoga
Ijebu – North – (Lagos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Solomon Kuponu
Prison Service
Wednesday  Ijebu – (Lagos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Ezekiel Awosoga
Ijebu – North – (Lagos, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Solomon Kuponu
Police Service
Thursday  Ijesha North – (Ibadan, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Titus Fajemirokun
HMP Sudbury
Friday  Ijumu – (Lokoja, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Ezekiel Ikupolati
Ikara – (Kaduna, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Yusuf Janfalan
HMP Foston Hall
Saturday Ikeduru – (Owerri, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Emmanuel Maduwike
Religious Communities
Sunday Groaner
Working
First friend: “Whom are you working for nowadays?”
Second friend: “Same people. The wife and four kids.”
Now hear this?
My wife says I never listen, or something like that…
Heredity
Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools.
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com