Archive

Monthly Archives: April 2015

Readings Acts 4.5-12 5; 1 John 3.16-24 16; John 10.11-18
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – 4th Sunday of Easter
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
6.30p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Next Sunday – 5th Sunday of Easter
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today New Jersey – (II, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd William Stokes
Barrackpore Brojen Malakar
Monday New Westminster – (British Columbia & the Yukon, Canada) The Rt Revd Melissa Skelton
Newhall St John Clergy: Jo Whitehead
Tuesday New York – (II, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Andrew Dietsche
Suffragan Bishop of New York – (II, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Allen Shin
Seale and Lullington with Coton-in-the-Elms Clergy: Michael Yates, Andrea Sims; Reader: Stella Greenwood
Wednesday Newala – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Oscar Mnung’a
Stapenhill, Immanuel Reader: Martin Collins
Thursday Newark – (II, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Mark Beckwith
Stapenhill, St Peter Clergy: Michael Andreyev; Readers: Lynn Chapman, Carolyn Willett
Friday Newcastle – (York, England) The Rt Revd Martin Wharton Assistant Bishop of Newcastle – (York, England) The Rt Revd Francis White Philip and James, Apostles
Saturday Newcastle (AUS) – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Greg Thompson Assistant Bishop of Newcastle – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Peter Stuart
Swadlincote, Emmanuel Clergy: Graham Rutter; Readers: Val Clipson, Dawn Knight
Sunday Groaner
On why people should ALWAYS sit in the same pew
From The Rectory St. James the Least My dear Nephew Darren I have to say that the couple who complained that you never noticed they had been missing from church for a month had a point. There is a simple way of noticing when someone is absent: everyone sits in the same pew. Every Sunday. Always. Little Miss Margison sits in the pew after the third pillar on the right here at St. James the Least. As she walks up the aisle, you can sense her counting the pillars until she reaches the right one, which then allows her to sit in front of it. I have speculated that if I ever had that pillar removed, then the following Sunday, she would have a complete mental collapse. One Sunday a visiting family arrived early and sat down; three people in an empty church seating 200. Colonel Wainwright and his wife were the first of our regulars to arrive and froze in horror. The Colonel said in a deafening whisper to his wife: “There’s someone sitting in our pew.” At least they had the grace – no matter how reluctant – for one week, to sit somewhere else. Unlike the Prentice family of husband, wife and three children, who arrived to discover that a visiting family of husband, wife and four children were sitting in their pew; six people in a pew that held eight. Or, it normally holds eight. That Sunday, it held thirteen. We at least have one iconoclast in Miss Pemberton, who makes a point of sitting in a different place every week. This thoroughly unsettles the rest of the congregation, who fear she may sit in their seats during her nomadic wanderings. I sometimes wonder if she has a chart at home with all the pew spaces marked on it and she strikes one off each week as she returns home after Mattins. Occasionally the unexpected can happen. Mrs Cholmondeley arrived one week in good time, settled herself in her accustomed place, but half-way through the Service suddenly ran out of the building. Ten minutes later, she was back and in her usual place once again. It was only when the church filled with the smell of burned bacon that we understood. That is why replacing pews with chairs in your church was a mistake. Pews can never be moved. You know where everybody is – or should be! Your loving uncle, Eustace
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Advertisements

Reading  Acts 3.12-19; 1 John 3.1-71;  Luke 24.36b-48
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – 3rd Sunday of Easter
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion-Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Monday 7.30p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting & Fete Planning Meeting – Sutton
Tuesday 7.30p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Church Broughton (Vicarage)
Friday 7.00p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Dalbury (in church)
Next Sunday – 3rd Sunday of Easter
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
6.30p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
We remember in our prayers
Today  Nebbi – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Alphonse Watho-kudi
Repton Deanery Rural Dean Graham Rutter, Asst Priests David de Pomerai, Alison Redshaw
Monday  Nebraska – (VII, The Episcopal Church) The Revd Scott Barker
Findern All Saints Clergy: Susan Starkey; Reader: Jean White
Tuesday Nelson – (Aotearoa NZ & Polynesia) The Rt Revd Victor Richard Ellena
Foremark and Repton with Newton Solney Clergy: Martin Flowerdew, June Scott; Readers: Ruth Attwood, Stephen Longden
Wednesday Nevada – (IX, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Dan Edwards
Gresley, St George and St Mary Clergy: Michael Firbank; Readers: Caroline Carr (Lay Pastor), Jane Clamp, Pietje Carpenter, Steven Payne
Thursday  New Busa – (Kwara, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Israel Amoo
St George’s Day
Friday   New Guinea Islands, The – (Papua New Guinea) The Rt Revd Allan Migi
Hartshorne and Bretby Clergy: Graham Rutter; Reader: Mervyn John
Saturday   New Hampshire – (I, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Robert Hirschfeld
Mark the Evangelist
Sunday Groaner
How to Get Rich Quick
A young man asked an rich old man how he had made his fortune. The old man replied:
“Well, lad, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last shilling. I invested that shilling in an apple. I spent a few minutes polishing that apple and sold the apple for a shilling and six pence. The next morning, I invested that shilling in another apple, and after carefully polishing it, also sold it for a shilling and six pence. I continued this system for a month and by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of 14 shillings. Then my wife’s father died and left us two million pounds.”
Sermon
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone. “I went to get a haircut,” was the reply.
“But,” said the pastor, “why didn’t you do that before the service?”
“Because,” the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then.”
Heaven
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”
The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'”
Dial
They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now.
You call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers.
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Acts 4.32-35 32; 1 John 1.1-2.2 1; John 20.19-31
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – 2nd Sunday of Easter
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
Monday 8.00p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Trusley
Tuesday 2.00p.m. Funertal of mabel Fountain – Boylestone
Next Sunday – 3rd Sunday of Easter
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion-Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Advance Notice
Monday 20th April 7.30p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting & Fete Planning Meeting – Sutton
Tuesday 21st April 7.30p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Church Broughton (Vicarage)
Friday 24th April 7.00p.m. Annual Parochial Church Meeting – Dalbury (in church)
We remember in our prayers
Today Nandyal – (South India) The Rt Revd Eggoni Pushpalalitha
Andaman & Car Nicobar Islands Christopher Paul
Monday Nasik – (North India) The Rt Revd Pradip Kamble
Old Brampton St Peter and St Paul Clergy: Peter Green
Tuesday; Nassau & The Bahamas – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Laish Boyd
Order of the Black Sheep Clergy: Mark Broomhead
Wednesday Natal – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Rubin Phillip Natal – North West Episcopal Area – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Tsietse Edward Seleoane Natal – South Episcopal Area – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Dr Hummingfield Ndwandwe
Walton St John Clergy: Brian Magorrian, Royston Smith, Karen Bradley; Readers: Eileen Balch, Sara Brown
Thursday National Indigenous Bishop – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Mark Lawrence MacDonald
Whittington Clergy: Jo Morris, Janet Quick
Friday Navajoland Area Mission – (IX, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd David Bailey
Wingerworth All Saints Clergy: Jonathan Poston, Jennifer Willis; Readers: Anne Knyhynyckyj, Trevor Burch
Saturday Ndokwa – (Bendel, Nigeria) The Rt Revd David Obiosa
Spirituality Group Advisor Alan Harper
Sunday Groaner
Out West
A devout cowboy lost his Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward, and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name was written inside the cover.”
Thought for the Day
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com