Monthly Archives: September 2015

Sunday Readings Numbers 11.4-6,10-16,24-29; James 5.13-20; Mark 9.38-50

Harvest Readings Joel 2.21-271 Timothy 2.1-7; Matthew 6.25-33

Today Long Lane & Sutton Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Harvest Family Service – Sutton
6.30p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
9.00a.m. Longford School Harvest Service
2.15p.m. Church Broughton School Harvest Service
7.00p.m. Boylestone Harvest Thanksgiving followed by Harvest Supper
Next Sunday – Trinity 18 – Church Broughton & Longford Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.20a.m. Harvest Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Harvest Family Service – Church Broughton
followed by Harvest Lunch
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Longford
followed by Harvest Lunch
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane

We remember in our prayers
Today   Spokane – (IX, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd James Waggoner
Durgapur Dr Probal Kanto Dutta
Monday    Springfield – (VI, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Daniel Martins
Stanton by Dale with Dale Abbey and Risley Clergy: Glyn Lucas, Jonathan Bell; Readers: Ralph Homer, Rachel Hobbs
St Albans – Bedford – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Richard Atkinson
St Albans – Hertford – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Michael Beasley
Michael and All Angels
Wednesday   St Asaph – (Wales) The Rt Revd Gregory Cameron
St David’s – (Wales) The Rt Revd Wyn Evans
West Hallam and Mapperley with Stanley Clergy: Gillian Turner-Callis; Reader: Janice Hutchinson;
Thursday     St Edmundsbury & Ipswich – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Martin Seeley
St Edmundsbury & Ipswich – Dunwich – (Canterbury, England) Vacant
Wilne and Draycott with Breaston. Clergy: Christopher Smedley, Maria Przeslawski, Gary Dundas; Readers: April McIntyre, Ruth Pechey
Friday   St Helena – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Richard Fenwick
University. Pray for all preparing for the new term at University, especially those leaving home for the first time
Saturday  St Mark the Evangelist – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Martin Breytenbach

Sunday Groaner
On what those adverts from parishes wanting clergy REALLY mean…
The Rectory

St. James the Least

My dear Nephew Darren

So, you are being encouraged to look at adverts for parishes for that happy day when you will have charge of your own church. You wonder if you should look to moving to another part of the country; I suspect it may be better if you look to moving to another planet, as your reputation may not yet have travelled that far.

Reading the specifications that parishes provide, giving a picture of life in their community, need to be read in the same way as estate agents’ specifications for houses for sale. Both demonstrate a triumph of optimism over reality. Let me help you decode some of the statements you will find:
“We look to grow our Sunday School” – We do not have a Sunday School.
“We have an enthusiastic choir” – We have a choir totally out of control.
“Our youth group is always eager to learn.” – Our youth group experiments with some strange substances.
“The new incumbent should be sympathetic to our musical tradition”The new incumbent must be able to play the organ as well as lead the Services.
“While cherishing our traditions, we see the need for change” – We always see the need for change, but alter anything at your peril.
“Plans for church renovations are in hand” – The building is in imminent danger of collapse.
“We have a large range of church groups” – You will have to run a large range of church groups singlehandedly.
“The vicarage is being refurbished” – The vicarage is a death trap. Its rising damp and dangerous electrics will not be fixed for many months yet.
“There is opportunity for developing ecumenical relations” – No one in living memory has ever spoken to clergy of other denominations in our town.
“The new incumbent should have a sense of humour” – He or she will need it when reading this specification.

My dear nephew, caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware!

Your loving uncle,


The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at


Readings Wisdom of Solomon 1.16-2.1,12-22; James 3.13-4.3,7-8a; Mark 9.30-37


Today – Trinity 16
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton

9.20a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon. Holy Communion – Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong – Longford
2.45p.m. Long Lane School Harvest Service
Saturday Church Broughton Produce Show
Next Sunday – Trinity 16 – Long Lane & Sutton Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.20a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Harvest Family Service – Sutton
6.30p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley

We remember in our prayers
Today  Southern Brazil – (Brazil) The Rt Revd Humberto Maiztegue
Delhi Sunil K Singh
Monday   Southern Highlands – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd John Mwela
Matthew, Apostle and Evangelist
Tuesday   Southern Nyanza – (Kenya) The Rt Revd James Ochiel
Long Eaton St. John Clergy: Philip Waller; Reader: Sarah Ray
Wednesday  Southern Philippines – (Philippines) The Rt Revd Danilo Labacanacruz Bustamante
Long Eaton St. Laurence Clergy: Roger Jupp, Peter Bolton
Thursday    Southwark – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Christopher Chessun
Southwark – Croydon – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Johnathan Clark
Southwark – Kingston – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Richard Cheetham
Southwark – Woolwich – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Michael Ipgrave
Ockbrook with Borrowash Clergy: Timothy Sumpter; Readers: Mike Allen, Robert Russell;
Friday  Southwell & Nottingham – (York, England) The Rt Revd Paul Gavin Williams
Southwell & Nottingham – Sherwood – (York, England) The Rt Revd Anthony Porter
Sandiacre St. Giles Clergy: Olaf Trelenberg, Kenneth Johnson
Saturday Southwest Florida – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Dabney Smith
Sawley All Saints: Clergy: Tony Street, Judy Henderson-Smith; Readers: Rosemary Broadbent, Richard Henderson-Smith, Linda Thompson
Sunday Groaner
Listen up
While giving a sermon one Sunday, two teenage girls at the back giggled and disturbed people. Finally I interrupted my sermon and announced sternly, “There are two of you here who have not heard a word I’ve said.” That quieted them down.
When the service was over, I went to greet people at the front door. Three adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Politician: “I dream of a better tomorrow where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.”
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at

Prayers to mark next Wednesday when the Queen  becomes our longest reigning monarch in history

Almighty God, who hast set our gracious sovereign Queen Elizabeth upon the throne of this realm, and given her to surpass all others in the years of her reign: Receive our heartfelt thanks for her service to her people, confirm and encourage her in the continuance of the same, and keep her in thy heavenly wisdom; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who took the form of a servant for our sake, and reigneth now in glory with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, world without end. Amen.

Almighty God, whose Son Jesus Christ exchanged the glory of a heavenly throne for the form of a servant, we thank you that you have given Elizabeth our Queen a heart to serve her people, and have kept her devoted in this service beyond all who were before her: encourage us by her example to serve one another, and to seek the common good, until you call us all to reign with Christ in your eternal kingdom. Amen.

Readings Isaiah 35.4-7a; James 2.1-17; Mark 7.24-37

Today – Trinity 14
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Tuesday 7.30p.m. PCC Meeting – Long Lane
7.30p.m. Deanery Synod – Doveridge
Saturday Ride & Stride
The rector will be taking part in aid of Radbourne & Trusley Church Roof repair funds. Sponsors welcome! Volunteers needed to take part either by riding/striding or by meeting and greeting visitors
Next Sunday – Trinity 15
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton

11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford

We remember in our prayers

Today Sialkot – (Pakistan) The Rt Revd Alwin Samuel
Ashbourne Deanery Rural Dean: Andy Larkin; Lay Chair: Martin Forrest
Monday Singapore – (South East Asia) The Rt Revd Rennis Ponniah

Ashbourne with Mappleton and Ashbourne St. John Clergy: Carollyn McDonald; Readers: Mike Warner, Kevin Stone, Dorothy Tinsley
Tuesday  ; Sittwe – (Myanmar) The Rt Revd Dr James Min Dein

Brailsford with Shirley, Osmaston with Edlaston and Yeaveley Clergy: Paul Taylor, Fiona Crocker, Dawn Glen
Wednesday  Sodor & Man – (York, England) The Rt Revd Robert Paterson

Clifton in plurality with Norbury and Snelston Clergy: Carollyn McDonald; Reader: Mike Warner
Thursday  Sokoto – (Kaduna, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Augustin Omole

Fenny Bentley, Thorpe, Tissington, Parwich and Alsop-en-le-Dale: Clergy: Andy Larkin;
Friday Soroti – (Uganda) The Rt Revd George Erwau
Saturday South Ankole – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Nathan Ahimbisibwe

Hulland, Atlow, Kniveton, Bradley and Hognaston Clergy: Phil Michell, Readers: Anna Davis, June Loma
Sunday Groaner
Back to school

Young James finished his summer holidays and went back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that James was misbehaving. “Wait a minute!” protested his mum. “I had him here for weeks and I never once called YOU when he misbehaved!”
No tables

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

My sister’s dog had been deaf and blind for years. When she started to suffer painful tumours, it was time to put her down. As I explained this to my seven-year-old son, he asked if Dotty would go to heaven. I said I thought she would, and that in dog heaven, she would be healthy again and able to do her favourite thing: chase squirrels. Jacob thought about that for a minute, then said, “So dog heaven must be the same as squirrel hell.”
First day back

It was the first day of school. As the Head made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and despite his protests, told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the Head restored order and lectured the class about the importance of good behavior. Now,” he said,” are there any questions?”
“One girl stood up timidly. “Please sir,” she asked, “May we have our teacher back?”

“Where is exactly is your teacher?”

“He’s in the hall, sir.”
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at