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Monthly Archives: October 2015

Readings Wisdom 3.1-9; Revelation 21.1-6;  John 11.32-44

 

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – All Saints
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
11.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
6.30p.m. EvensonLong Lane
Monday 7.30p.m. Boylestone PCC
Wednesday
2.00p.m. Funeral of Len Fountain – Boylestone
Friday Funeral of Eric Davies – Boylestone
Next Sunday – Remembrance Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communion & Remembrance -Long Lane
9.30a.m.Holy Communion   & Remembrance – Church Broughton
10.55a.m. Remembrance Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion   & Remembrance – Radbourne
5.00p.m. Holy Communion  & Remembrance – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong  & Remembrance – Longford
We remember in our prayers
Today  Truro – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Timothy Thornton
Truro – St Germans – (Canterbury, England) The Revd Christopher David Goldsmith
Derby Cathedral
Monday   Tuam, Killala & Achonry – (Armagh, Ireland) The Rt Revd Patrick William Rooke
Commemoration of the Faithful Departed Funeral directors and all those who minister to the bereaved:
Tuesday   Udi – (Enugu, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Chjioke Augustine Aneke
Ughelli – (Bendel, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Cyril Odutemu
All Rural Deans and Lay Chairs working together with their Archdeacons and Deanery teams
Wednesday  Ukhahlamba – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Mazwi Tisani
Allenton and Shelton Lock, St Edmund; Alvaston, St Michael and All Angels
Thursday Ukwa – (Aba, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Samuel Kelechi Eze
Chelleston, St Peter; Derby, St Andrew with St Osmund
Friday   Umuahia – (Aba, Nigeria) The Most Revd Dr Ikechi Nwachukwu Nwosu
Aston on Trent, Elvaston, Weston on Trent and Shardlow, Barrow upon Trent with Twyford and Swarkstone
Saturday  Umzimvubu – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Mlibo Ngewu
Melbourne, Ticknall, Smisby and Stantonby-Bridge; Boulton, St Mary
Sunday Groaner
Some local newspaper headlines where you know what they meant…
Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile Court to try shooting defendant
War dims hope for peace
If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last awhile
Cold wave linked to temperatures
London couple slain; police suspect murder
Red tape holds up new bridge
New study on obesity looks for larger test group
Why children can make nutritious snacks
Local school dropouts cut in half
Notice in a farmer’s field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross this field for free. But the bull charges.

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Readings Jeremiah 31.7-9; Hebrews 7.23-28′ Mark 10.46-52
Harvest Readings: Deuteronomy 26:1-11; John 6:25-35
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Last after Trinity-Trusley Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne NB WINTER TIME
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Monday 8.00p.m. Sutton PCC
Friday 7.30p.m. Barn Dance & Light Supper at Wyaston Village Hall
Ring 01335-330447 or 01335-330043 to book.
Ticket £10. Bring your own drink and glasses
Next Sunday All Saints
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
11.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
6.30p.m. EvensonLong Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today  Tohoku – (Japan) The Rt Revd John Hiromichi Kato
Tokyo – (Japan) The Rt Revd Andrew Yoshimichi Ohata
Longford Deanery. Rural Dean: Andrew Murphie; Lay Chair: Gordon Thornhill
Monday  Toliara – (Indian Ocean) New Diocese
Boylestone, Church Broughton, Dalbury, Longford, Long Lane, Radbourne, Sutton-on-the-Hill and Trusley Clergy: Michael Bishop, Jane Legh
Tuesday   Torit – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Bernard Oringa Balmoi
Etwall and Egginton. Clergy: Fiona Solman, Fran Grant
Wednesday  Toronto – (Ontario, Canada) The Most Revd Colin Robert Johnson
Toronto – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Maurice Philip Poole
Toronto – Trent Durham – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Linda Carol Nicholls
Toronto – York – Scarborough – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Patrick Tin-Sik Yu
Toronto – York – Simcoe – (Ontario, Canada) The Rt Revd Peter Fenty
Simon and Jude
Thursday Toungoo – (Myanmar) The Rt Revd Dr Saw Wilm
Hatton, All Saints Clergy: Lee Martin; Reader:Rosalind Evans
Friday   Trichy-Tanjore – (South India) The Rt Revd Dr Gnanamuthu Paul Vasanthakumar
Hilton with Marston on Dove, St Mary Clergy:Andrew Murphie;
Saturday  Trinidad & Tobago – (West Indies) The Rt Revd Claude Berkle
South Dales – Alkmonton, Cubley, Doveridge, Marston Montgomery, Somersal Herbert, Sudbury, Scropton. Clergy: John Vickerstaff, Jane Legh; Readers: James Battie, Cath Goodwin, Ann Roe; Tony Lyon, Marlene Weston, Lynda Herbert
Sunday Groaner
Halloween costumes
My six-year-old son was excited about choosing his Halloween costume. “I’m going to be the Pope,” he announced proudly.
“But Ian, you can’t be the Pope. You’re not Catholic,” I explained. “You’re Church of England.”
My son was silent for a few moments, while he considered his alternatives. “Well, is Dracula Church of England?”
Signs of our times? When you know what they meant, but…!
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In a Laundromat: Automatic Washing Machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a London department store: Bargain Basement upstairs.
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back, or further steps will be taken.
In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
Spotted in a safari park: Elephants, please stay in your car.
Right resting place
The new vicar was a bit of an efficiency expert, whose obsession was to move around the hymnbooks, the notice-sheets, the magazines, the guides, and most of the other portable things in his church, in search of the perfect place. From porch to display stand to table to vestry to side chapel – round and round various things went, week by week.
After several months, a visitor approached a harassed churchwarden before church one morning, and asked if he could tell her where the copies of the church guides were kept. “No, I’m sorry,” he said wearily. “But if you just stand here a while, I’m sure you’ll see them go by!”

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Acts 16:6-12a; 2 Timothy 4.5-17;  Luke 10.1-9
Harvest Readings Deuteronomy 8:7-18; 2 Corinthians 9:6-end; Luke 12:16-30

 

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Luke – Dalbury Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Monday
7.30p.m. Benefice meeting – Sutton Village Hall
Friday 7.30p.m. Live & Local – Blair Dunlop concert
£9 adult; £7-50 under 16 – Church Broughton
Saturday
12.30p.m. Dalbury Harvest Lunch – Laurels Farm Burnaston (Ring Jean Goodall 01332-514314 to book)
Next Sunday Last after Trinity-Trusley Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne NB WINTER TIME
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Advance Notice
Barn Dance & Light Supper at Wyaston Village Hall
on Friday 30th October at 7.30p.m.
Ring 01335-330447 or 01335-330043 to book.
Ticket £10. Bring your own drink and glasses
We remember in our prayers
Today  Luke the Evangelist. Pray for Physicians,
Surgeons and all those involved in the healing professions.
Monday   Diocesan Board of Education
David Channon, Alison Brown, Alistair Langton, Sara Brown
The Arctic – (Rupert’s Land, Canada) The Rt Revd David Parsons
Suffragan Bishop of the Diocese of the Arctic – (Rupert’s Land, Canada) The Rt Revd Darren McCartney
Tuesday   Prison Service
The Episcopal Church in South Carolina – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Charles VonRosenberg
Wednesday  Police Service
The Murray – (South Australia, Australia) The Rt Revd John Frank Ford
Thika – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Julius Njuguna Wanyoike
Thursday HMP Sudbury
Thoothukudi – Nazareth – (South India) Vacant
Friday   HMP Foston Hall
Tirunelveli – (South India) The Rt Revd Jayaraj Christdoss
Saturday  Teachers.
Toamasina – (Indian Ocean) The Rt Revd Jean Paul Solo
Sunday Groaner
Lips
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Judge
Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
Quick
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Mouth
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Definitions
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at a church service, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Amos 5.6-7,10-15; Hebrews 4.12-16; Mark 10.17-31
Harvest Readings 1 Timothy 2.1-7; Matthew 6.25-33
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Trinity 19 – Radbourne Harvest
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Longford
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
Next Sunday – Trinity 19 – Dalbury Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Evensong – Long Lane NB WINTER TIME
We remember in our prayers
Today Tamale – (Ghana, West Africa) The Rt Revd Dr Jacob Ayeebo
Gujurat Silvan S Christian
Monday Tanga – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Maimbo Mndolwa
Loscoe, St Luke Clergy: Andrew Taylor-Cook,
Christopher Holden, Martin Jones; Reader: M.J. Cuttell;
Tuesday Tarime – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Dr R Mwita Akiri
Marlpool, All Saints. Clergy: Karen Padley, Jane Lyon; Readers: Steve Rogers;
Wednesday Tasmania – (Ex-P, Australia) Vacant
Assistant Bishop of Tasmania – (Ex-P, Australia) The Rt Revd Christopher Jones
Assistant Bishop of Tasmania – (Ex-P, Australia) The Rt Revd Ross Nicholson
Morley and Smalley. Clergy: Lisa Shemilt; Readers: M.Haywood, Jan Walker
Thursday Temotu – (Melanesia) The Rt Revd George Takeli
Ripley, All Saints Clergy: John Wigram, Marian Brookes; Readers: Jonathan Holt, Dawn Holt,
Jennifer Brearley
Friday Tennessee – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd John Bauerschmidt
School Chaplains. Rachel Barrett (Derby High School), Adam Watkinson (Repton School)
Saturday Terekeka – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Paul Modi
University Chaplains Adam Dickens (University of Derby), Bernard Randall (Trent college)
Sunday Groaner
The gift
After the Sunday service the minister stood by the door to greet the congregation as they left the church. Soon one of the younger children filed by. “Good morning, Jonathan,” the minister said, as the little boy reached out and handed him something. “What’s this?”
“Money,” said the boy, with a big smile. “It’s for you!” When the minister protested in surprise, the little boy continued: “But I want you to have it. My daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we ever had, and I want to help you.”
Right resting place
The new vicar was a bit of an efficiency expert, whose obsession was to move around the hymnbooks, the notice-sheets, the magazines, the guides, and most of the other portable things in his church, in search of the perfect place. From porch to display stand to table to vestry to side chapel – round and round various things went, week by week.
After several months, a visitor approached a harassed churchwarden before church one morning, and asked if he could tell her where the copies of the church guides were kept. “No, I’m sorry,” he said wearily. “But if you just stand here a while, I’m sure you’ll see them go by!”
Fish
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Genesis 2.18-24; Hebrews 1.1-4; 2.5-12;  Mark 10.2-16
Harvest Festival Readings Joel 2.21-27; 1 Timothy 2.1-7; Matthew 6.25-33

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Trinity 18 – Church Broughton & Longford Harvest
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Harvest Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Harvest Family Service – Church Broughton
followed by Harvest Lunch
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Mattins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Thursday 2.00p.m. Funeral of Gelly Frost – Longford
Friday 7.30p.m. Sutton Harvest Supper
Saturday 7.30p.m. Organ Recital by David Wells & John Gould
Admission free – donations invited to Radbourne church

Next Sunday – Trinity 19 – Radbourne Harvest
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Harvest Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford

We remember in our prayers
Today    Sunyani – (Ghana, West Africa) The Rt Revd Dr Festus Yeboah-Asuamah
Heanor Rural Dean: Karen Padley, Lay Chair: Bob Moon
Monday    Swansea & Brecon – (Wales) The Rt Revd John Davies
Aldercar, St John. Clergy: Karen Padley, Jane Lyon;
Tuesday  Swaziland – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Ellinah Ntfombi Wamukoya
Codnor, St James Clergy:Andrew Taylor-Cook,
Christopher Holden, Martin Jones; Reader: Jane Holden
Wednesday  Sydney – (New South Wales, Australia) The Most Revd Dr Glenn Davies
Sydney – Liverpool – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Peter Tasker
Sydney – North – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Chris Edwards
Sydney – South – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Robert Forsyth
Sydney – West – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Ivan Lee
Sydney – Wollongong – (New South Wales, Australia) The Rt Revd Al Stewart
Heanor, St Lawrence Clergy: vacant Readers: Ann Turner, Sue Clarke, Sharon Guy;
Thursday     Tabora – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Elias Chakupewa
Horsley and Denby Clergy: Andrew Taylor-Cook,
Christopher Holden, Martin Jones; Readers: Terry Welch, Ann Swales, Steve Bridges, David Harris
Friday   Taita-Taveta – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Dr Samson Mwaluda
Coadjutor Bishop of Taita-Taveta – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Liverson Mng’onda
Horsley Woodhouse, St Susanna. Clergy: Andrew
Taylor-Cook, Christopher Holden, Martin Jones;
Saturday  Taiwan – (IX, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd David Lai
Langley Mill, St Andrew Clergy:Helen Penfold; Readers: Andrew Whysall
Sunday Groaner
The gift
After the Sunday service the minister stood by the door to greet the congregation as they left the church. Soon one of the younger children filed by. “Good morning, Jonathan,” the minister said, as the little boy reached out and handed him something. “What’s this?”
“Money,” said the boy, with a big smile. “It’s for you!” When the minister protested in surprise, the little boy continued: “But I want you to have it. My daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we ever had, and I want to help you.”
When children meet liturgy …
“Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”
“Hail, Mary, full of grapes.”
“He suffered under a bunch of violets.” (Pontius Pilate)

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com