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Monthly Archives: November 2015

Readings Jeremiah 33.14-16 ; 1 Thessalonians 3.9-13; Luke 21.25-36
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today –  – Advent Sunday
10.30a.m. United Service – Boylestone Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
Friday 7.00p.m.Christmas Carols & Nativity with Derwent Harps-Church Broughton

Saturday 3.00p.m. Wedding – Sutton
Next Sunday – Advent 2
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Martins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Christina Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.00a.m. Martins – Trusley
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Advance Notice
Sunday 13th December 6.30p.m.Longford Carol Service
We remember in our prayers
Today  West Malaysia – (South East Asia) The Rt Revd Ng Moon Hing
Assistant Bishop of West Malaysia – (South East Asia) The Rt Revd Charles Samuel
Assistant Bishop of West Malaysia – (South East Asia) The Rt Revd Jason Selvaraj
Monday   West Missouri – (VIII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Martin Field
St Andrew
Church of North India
Tuesday  West Tennessee – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Don Johnson
Peak Deanery: Area Dean Colin Pearson and Lay Chairs of this newly shaped Deanery: Christine McMullen, Ted Fraser- Smith, Peter Collard
Wednesday  West Texas – (VIII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Gary Lillibridge
Suffragan Bishop of West Texas – (VIII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd David Reed
Clergy: Rev Richard Benson, Readers, PCC and congregation in the parish of: St Thomas, Biggin
Thursday   West Virginia – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Willam Michie Klusmeyer
Southern Virginia – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Herman Hollerith
Clergy: Rev John Hudghton, Rev Keith Cocking, Rev Margret Slyfield, Readers, PCC and congregations in the Buxton with Burbage and King Sterndale Team Ministry: including the parishes of: St John the Baptist, Buxton; Christ Church Buxton; Christ Church Earl Sterndale; St James, Harpur Hill; St Mary the Virgin Buxton; St Ann, Buxton
Friday    Western Izon – (Bendel, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Edafe Emamezi
Northern Izon – (Niger Delta, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Fred Nyanabo
Clergy: Rev Bob Marsden, Rev Phil Selby Readers, PCC and congregation in the parish of Trinity church, Buxton:
Saturday   Western Kansas – (VIII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Michael Milliken
Chesterfield Modern Day Slavery Conference being held at St Barnabas Centre, Danesmoor and hosted by Bishop of Derby
Sunday Groaner
The new minister
The new minister was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Finally he took out a card, wrote ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10’.
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”
Daniel
Said Daniel on entering the lion’s den: “Well, whoever does the after-dinner speaking, it won’t be me!”
Sick
A vicar explained: “I resigned because of illness and fatigue. The congregation were sick and tired of me.”
Oil
A curate took his old car to the garage for an oil change. After the mechanic had briefly inspected under the bonnet he turned to the vicar: “If I were you vicar, I’d keep the oil and change the car.”
Original
He’s an original preacher, our new curate. He makes a lot of mistakes, and they are different every time.
Life and death
The vicar was preaching a powerful sermon concerning death and judgment. In the course of the sermon, he said: “Just think – all of you living in this parish will one day die.” At this, a man in the front pew began to laugh quietly.
After the service the vicar demanded sternly why he had found such a serious subject so funny? The man explained: “I was just happy, because I don’t live in this parish.”

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Friday 18th December
7.00p.m. Carol Service  with the Boylestone Singers – St John the Baptist, Boylestone

Sunday 20th December
3.00p.m. Carol Service with the Long Lane Choir – All Saints Dalbury
6.30p.m. Carol Service – St Michael’s Sutton-on-the-Hill
7.00p.m. Carol Service with the Long Lane Choir – Christ Church, Long Lane

Monday 21st December
7.30p.m. Carol Service with the Derby Choristers – All Saints Trusley

Tuesday 22nd December
7.30p.m. Carol Service with the Long Lane Choir – St Michael & All Angels Church Broughton

Thursday 24th December – Christmas Eve
5.00p.m. Crib Service – St Michael & All Angels Church Broughton
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – St Andrew’s Radbourne
10.00p.m. Holy Communion – St Michael’s Sutton-on-the-Hill
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – St Michael & All Angels Church Broughton
11.30p.m. Holy Communion – St Chad’s, Longford

Friday 25th December Christmas Day
9.45a.m. Holy Communion – St John the Baptist, Boylestone
10.15a.m. Holy Communion – All Saints Dalbury
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – All Saints Trusley

Sunday 27th December
10.30a.m. Holy Communion – Christ Church, Long Lane

Readings Daniel 7:9-10, 13-14; Revelation 1:4-8; John 18:33-37

 

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today –  Christ the King
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m.Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Saturday 28th November 1.00p.m. Christingle Fair – Church Broughton School
Advance Notice
Friday 4th December 7.00p.m.Christmas Carols & Nativity with Derwent Harps-Church Broughton

Next Sunday – Advent Sunday
10.30a.m. United Service – Boylestone Methodist Church
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
Advance Notice
Saturday 28th November
1pm Christingle Fair-Church Broughton School
Friday 4th December
7.00p.m. Carols & Nativity with Derwent Harps – St Michael’s Church Broughton
We remember in our prayers
Today Wangaratta – (Victoria, Australia) The Rt Revd John Parkes
Bishop of Derby’s Harvest Appeal 2015:
Monday   Warri – (Bendel, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Christian Esezi Ideh
Inauguration of the new General Synod in London
Tuesday  Washington – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Mariann Edgar Budde
Findern All Saints; Foremark and Repton with Newton Solney; Gresley, St George & St Mary
Wednesday Wau – (Sudan) The Rt Revd Moses Deng Bol
Hartshorne and Bretby; Newhall St John; Seale and Lullington with Coton-inthe-Elms
Thursday  Wellington – (Aotearoa NZ & Polynesia) The Rt Revd Justin Duckworth
Stapenhill, Immanuel; Stapenhill, St Peter; Swadlincote, Emmanuel
Friday   West Ankole – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Yona Katoneene
Walton-on-Trent with Croxall, Rosliston with Linton and Castle Gresley; Willington, St Michael; Winshill, St Mark
Saturday   West Buganda – (Uganda) Vacant
Christians in Parliament

Sunday Groaner
On the challenge of hitting 11 o’clock precisely….
                                                                                                                                                              The Rector
St. James the Least

My dear Nephew Darren

It is a great shame that your church doesn’t have chandeliers – although in your low-ceilinged converted cinema, any chandelier more than a few feet tall would also be embedded in your floor carpeting. But I find that there is nothing like watching the standard bearers on Remembrance Sunday parading up the aisle with their flags and getting them caught up in our brass candelabra.

One year, the procession ground to a halt while a bearer fought to retrieve his flag, and was obliged to leave it flying in the centre of the church while he presented me with an empty pole. I always feel obliged to tell parishioners the previous week, that since all the candelabra will inevitably be sent spinning, not to stare at them, or they may leave the church hypnotised. On the other hand, Miss Simpson generally leaves the church looking like that.

Major Hastings always arrives bejewelled with so many medals that every time he kneels for prayer, it sounds as if he is taking the collection. Their weight increases his stoop by at least ten degrees, to the point where some feel we should support him with a personal flying buttress.

Since the trumpeter playing the Last Post can be of varying quality, your idea of broadcasting it from London into your church is inspired. However, your worries about whether your radio will be good enough need not trouble you. If you tell your congregation that they are about to hear the broadcast silence and you then simply not switch the thing on, no one will be able to tell the slightest difference whether the silence is being broadcast or not. In fact, they will even congratulate you on hitting 11am at exactly the right moment.

I always use subterfuge; I have the church clock disconnected and then when we reach the time for silence, irrespective of the true time, I get a churchwarden to toll the bell eleven times. This way, I have apparently come to the exact moment without a hitch for the last 30 years.

You will also find that preaching about warfare and of man’s inhumanity to man will give you greater insights into the working of your church council. The only difference is that on committees – sadly – the use of machine guns is rather frowned on.

Your loving uncle,

Eustace

Modern banking

The new bank officer was welcoming a minister who had just opened an account. “Be assured, to us you are never merely a number. You are two digits, a dash, a letter of the alphabet and three more digits.”

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com