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Monthly Archives: May 2016

Readings  Proverbs 8.1-4,22-31; Romans 5.1-5; John 16.12-15

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Trinity Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communio
n -Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
5.00p.m. Evensong – Trusley
6.30p.m.p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
Thursday
2.30p.m. Longford School Service
Friday
6.00p.m. Sutton Fete
Saturday
4.00p.m. Boylestone Duck Race

Next Sunday Trinity 1
10.30a.m. United Service – Sutton Methodist Church
6.30p.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
We remember in our prayers
Today  Mexico The Most Revd Francisco Moreno Presiding Bishop of La Iglesia Anglicana de Mexico & Bishop of Northern Mexico
St Bartholomew, Whittington and St Barnabas, New Whittington; Clergy: Jo Morris, Janet Quick;
Monday  Christ the King – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Peter Lee
All Saints Wingerworth; Clergy: Jonathan Poston, Jennifer Willis;
Tuesday Christchurch – (Aotearoa NZ & Polynesia) The Rt Revd Victoria Matthews
North Wingfield Team Ministry which is the United benefice of St Lawrence North Wingfield, St Bartholomew Clay Cross, St Barnabus, Danesmoor and St Mary, Pilsley; St John, Tupton clergy: Colin Cooper, Karen Hamblin, Richard Law, Marcia Bown;
Wednesday  Chubu – (Japan) The Rt Revd Peter Ichiro Shibusawa
The Order of the Black Sheep; Chesterfield; Pioneer Ministers: Mark Broomhead;: Hilary Moore and those with whom the Order is in ontact
Thursday    Clogher – (Armagh, Ireland) The Rt Revd John McDowell
HR Director: Adele Poulson
Friday Coimbatore – (South India) The Rt Revd Timothy Ravinder
Saturday   Colombia – (V, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Francisco Duque
Church of North India Barrackpore Bishop Brojen Malakar
Sunday Groaner
On dealing with summer fetes
                             The Rectory
St. James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
So you are beginning to plan your first Summer Fete in your new parish. That you appear to be looking forward to it shows how little you know about them.

Parishes hold Summer Fetes so that their clergy can preach more meaningfully on purgatory.  Their ostensible purpose is to raise money for the church – which is wholly illogical. The parish could double the money raised if the Fete were dropped, none of the endless preparations made, if everyone spent a pleasant afternoon in their own gardens and each person simply donated £20 to the church instead. But we still feel obliged to go to endless trouble, making ourselves miserable so we can show each other what a good time we are having. That it generally pours seems to make the entire event even more grimly satisfying.

No, the real reasons for a Summer Fete are twofold. First, it gives the entire parish the chance to inspect the Rector’s garden. Whatever state it is in, it will cause disapproval. If it is poorly kept, then I am clearly being ungrateful for having three acres of lawn to enjoy. Mowing it each week should be one of my delights; what else would I do with a whole day off each week anyway? The hand mower, kindly given by Colonel French is assumed to be quite adequate – and rumour has it that I need to lose weight anyway. The mower was presented to me when the Colonel bought his own gardener a sit-on motor mower – which is of a size and opulence that makes me assume it has a drinks cabinet and satellite navigation.

The second reason for a Fete comes as a special perk for the organisers. It gives them a chance to inspect the inside of the Rectory. Under the pretence of looking for a little more sugar, they can systematically inspect all the kitchen cupboards and comment on their contents. By the end of the day, the whole parish will know what marmalade I spread on my toast, that I use unnecessarily expensive washing powder, and where I have unsuccessfully tried to hide the gin.

The details of what then happens while the Fete is in progress must wait until my next letter, when we will have had our own. It is now time for Evensong, drinks with Major Mallet and his wife, and then a quiet evening with a good book, while I toy with other possible hiding places for the gin this year.

Your loving uncle,

Eustace

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Readings Acts 2.1-21; Romans 8.14-17; John 14.8-17(25-27)

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today -Pentecost
8.00a.m. Holy Communion -Sutton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Church Broughton
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Next Sunday – Trinity Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communion -Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
5.00p.m. Evensong – Trusley
6.30p.m.p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
Advance Notice
Saturday 28th May
Boylestone Duck Race

We remember in our prayers
Today  Melanesia The Most Revd David Vunagi Archbishop of Melanesia and Bishop of Central Melanesia
Pentecost Christian Aid Week
Monday  Chester – (York, England) The Rt Revd Peter Robert Forster
Chester – Birkenhead – (York, England) The Rt Revd Keith Sinclair
Chester – Stockport – (York, England) The Rt Revd Libby Lane
Holy Trinity and Christ Church, Chesterfield; clergy: David Horsfall,
Tuesday Chhattisgarh – (North India) The Rt Revd Purna Sagar Nag
Dronfield with Holmesfield Team Ministry; clergy Peter Bold, William Eardley, Ruth Turner, Ian Webb, Dick Dove, Ian Webb;
Wednesday  Chicago – (VI, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Jeffrey Lee Assisting Bishop of Chicago – (VI, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd John Buchanan
St John Walton; Clergy: Brian Magorrian, Royston Smith;
Thursday    Chichester – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Martin Warne Chichester – Horsham – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Mark Sowerby Chichester – Lewes – (Canterbury, England) The Revd Richard Charles Jackson
All Saints Heath and St Albans Holmewood; Clergy: Phyllis Bainbridge,
FridayThe Most Revd Hector Zavala Muñoz Presiding Bishop of the Anglican Church of South America & Bishop of ChileSuffragan Bishop of Chile – (South America) The Rt Revd Abelino Manuel Apeleo
St John the Evangelist, Newbold during the Clergy vacancy;
Saturday   Chotanagpur – (North India) The Rt Revd B Baskey
Diocesan synod
Sunday Groaner
Children’s exam papers
The following real life answers to various exams explain why teachers need long holidays…

What is a nitrate?
Cheaper than a day rate.

What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for?
He is a noted figure in history because he invented cigarettes and started a craze for bicycles.

What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
Unusual names.

Name six animals which live specifically in the Artic.
Two polar bears. Four seals.

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Acts 16.16-34; Revelation 22.12-14,16-17,20-21; John 17.20-26

 

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – 7th of Easter
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Sutton
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford
Friday 1.30p.m. Funeral of Hylda Winson (Tomlinson) – Sutton
Saturday 7.30p.m. Concert – Sutton
Next Sunday – Pentecost
8.00a.m. Holy Communion -Sutton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service & Holy Baptism – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12noon Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Church Broughton
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today Korea The Most Revd Paul Kim Primate of the Anglican Church of Korea and Bishop of Seoul
The Red Cross
Monday  Central Tanganyika – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd Dickson Chilongani
St Mark, Brampton: Captain Tim Rouke;
Tuesday Central Zambia – (Central Africa) The Rt Revd Derek Gary Kamukwamba
St Thomas, Brampton; clergy Mat Barnes, Ben Griffiths;
Wednesday  Central Zimbabwe – (Central Africa) The Rt Revd Ishmael Mukuwanda
St Peter, Holymoorside; clergy William Bazely;
Thursday  Chandigarh – (North India) The Rt Revd Younas MasseySt Mary & All Saints Chesterfield, Clergy: Patrick Coleman, David Mouncer;
Friday
Chelmsford – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Stephen Geoffrey Cottrell
Chelmsford – Barking – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Peter Hill
Chelmsford – Bradwell – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd John Wraw
Chelmsford – Colchester – (Canterbury, England) The Rt Revd Anthony Brett Morris
St Augustine, Chesterfield; clergy: Mark
Broomhead, Tim Rooke, Hilary Moore;
Saturday   Madras – (South India) The Rt Revd Dr Vedanayagam Devasahayam
Church of North India
Sunday Groaner
Hearing
A man went into a church and asked the vicar to pray for his hearing. Touched by his faith, the vicar agreed. “Kneel here,” he began in a loud voice. The man knelt, and the vicar placed a hand on each ear and bellowed a prayer. “I hope that will help,” he finally shouted. “Well, I won’t know for a while,” the man replied. “It isn’t until next month”.

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

We welcome Bishop Richard Inwood to Longford this morning to conduct the service of Confirmation and Holy Communion.

Please pray for those being confirmed:

Hannah Molly Hammersley
William John Mosedale
Grace Katherine Mosedale
Ruth Sarah Slack
Daniella Gomes Beltrao Costa

Readings Acts 16.9-15; John 14.15-26

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – 6th of Easter
10.30a.m. Confirmation & Holy Communion administered by Bishop Richard Inwood – Longford
Note that this is the ONLY service of the day
Monday 12noon Church Broughton Mayday celebration

Thursday – Ascension Day
7.00p.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
Next Sunday – 7th of Easter
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lanw
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Holy Baptism – Sutton
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong – Longford

We remember in our prayers
Today Kenya The Most Revd Dr Eliud Wabukala Primate and Archbishop of All Kenya
Holy Trinity and Christ Church, Chesterfield; clergy: David Horsfall,
Monday  Central New York – (II, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Gladstone Adams
Dronfield with Holmesfield Team Ministry; clergy Peter Bold, William Eardley, Ruth Turner, Ian Webb, Dick Dove, Ian Webb
Tuesday Central Newfoundland – (Canada, Canada) The Rt Revd Frederick David Torraville
St John Walton; Clergy: Brian Magorrian, Royston Smith
Wednesday  Central Pennsylvania – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Audrey Scanlon
All Saints Heath and St Albans Holmewood; Clergy: Phyllis Bainbridge
Thursday  Ascension Day
Friday Central Philippines – (Philippines) The Rt Revd Dixie Copanut Taclobao
St John the Evangelist, Newbold during the Clergy vacancy
Saturday   Central Solomons – (Melanesia) The Rt Revd Ben Seka
Diocesan synod meets today
Sunday Groaner
Walking out
“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” said an embarrassed woman after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”
“I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher admitted.
“It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the church-goer. “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”
Revival families
After the local mission outreach had concluded, the three ministers were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, “The mission worked out great for us! We gained four new families.”
The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained six new families.”
The Anglican priest said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!”
Adam and Eve
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Just the man
Small boy: “Please, sir, my Dad says you are a Doctor of Music.”
Famous pianist: “That is quite right, my little man.”
Small boy: “Then I wonder if you’d be so good as to mend my trumpet?”
Join in
“Well, well,” said the old gentleman to some boys who were playing cricket. “I wish I could join your game, but I’m too old.”
“Not at all,” replied one of the boys politely. “In fact, we need you. Our ball has just gone through that window. You can go and ask for it back.”

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com