NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Advent Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communion-
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion Long Lane
3.00p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
11.00a.m., Funeral of Irene Kightley – Longford
Saturday & Sunday 3rd & 4th December
Boylestone Christmas Tree Festival
Saturday 3rd DecemberDerwent Harps & Nativity – Church Broughton IS CANCELLED
Next Sunday – Advent Sunday
8.00a.m. Holy Communion- Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Christingle Service
11.00a.m. Holy Communion Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
4.00p.m. “Christmas Tree Service – Boylestone
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Sunday 11th December
Sunday 18th December
7.00p.m. Long Lane
Tuesday 7.30p.m. Church Broughton
Thursday 7.30p.m. Trusley
Friday 7.00p.m. Boylestone
We remember in our prayers
Today Kansas – (VII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Dean Wolfe
Monday Kanyakumari – (South India) The Rt Revd Gnanasigamony Devakadasham
Tuesday Western Kansas – (VII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Michael Milliken
St Mark Winshill Clergy: Philip Bosher; Reader Mervyn John
Wednesday Karachi – (Pakistan) The Rt Revd Sadiq Daniel
Thursday Karamoja – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Joseph Abura
Friday Karimnagar – (South India) The Rt Revd Reuben Mark
St Helen Grindleford, Clergy: Rev Jude Davis reader John Brunskill
Saturday Karnataka Central – (South India) The Rt Revd Prasana Kumar Samuel
St John the Baptist, Bamford and Derwent Clergy: Rev Jude Davis; reader, Roger Mather
Underneath a street sign ‘St Matthew’s Close’, someone had pointed out: ‘Well, I can’t see him.’
A minister was asked to give the grace at a parish dinner. ‘Thank you Lord, for this food, and we pray for strength to eat it!”
On what sort of dog a clergyman should own
St. James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
I am absolutely delighted to hear that you are getting a dog. But be careful which variety you choose. First, your dog must be something substantial, but not prone to fighting or making amorous advances towards parishioners’ dogs. A mongrel may be all very well for you as a curate, but think to the future when you are an incumbent. Get a pedigree. It sets a better tone at the Rectory.
It should also be a breed that sheds hair copiously, which should deter your more fastidious parishioners from bothering you at home. If it also drools, that is a bonus. I would recommend you do not get a sheepdog. They become neurotic trying to round everyone up as they roam round your lawn at the annual Summer Fete.
It can be quite useful giving your dog a name that – naturally, by coincidence – is remarkably similar to that of an awkward parishioner. Being able to bawl out commands to “come”, “sit”, and “stop that”, along with the pet’s name, can be cathartic to you, salutary to the parishioner concerned and instructive to the rest of your congregation.
Dogs keep every confidence you tell them, are infinitely sympathetic when you moan about the flower arrangers, and make an excellent audience when you rehearse your Sunday sermon on them. Just like my parishioners, my Labrador gives me a look of well-meaning incomprehension as I get underway, and within minutes slips into a peaceful doze, which continues until my sermon concludes.
When gentlemen of the road call, before you open the door, make a series of very audible commands that imply you are restraining a ravenous beast. That your ravenous beast is smiling and tail-wagging, is irrelevant. It will make your caller hesitate to ring the bell another time.
Dogs also provide an excellent excuse for terminating endless meetings, overlong phone calls, parish socials and even visits to the bishop. Even the hardest of hearts cannot stop you from dashing home to give your pet a toilet break, much, of course, as you would like to continue enjoying yourself with whoever it is you are obliged to flee from.
But do not take them to your church council meetings. When difficult decisions have to be made, you can never rely on them voting the way you want. My Labrador will wag her tail and agree with anyone.
Your loving uncle,
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com