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Monthly Archives: March 2017

Readings Ezekiel 37.1-14; Romans 8.6-11; John 11:1-45

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
TODAY – Lent 5 – Passion Sunday
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong-Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Monday
7.30p.m. Boylestone Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Tuesday
7.30p.m. Radbourne Annual Parochial Church Meeting
Wednesday 7.30p.m. Lent Study – Vicarage
Thursday 9.00a.m. Church Broughton School “Good Friday” walk from School to Church
2.00p.m. Long Lane School Easter Service
Saturday 12.30p.m. Dalbury Lent Lunch – Laurel Farm Burnaston Ring Jean Goodall 01332 514314 to book
Next Sunday –  Palm Sunday
8.30a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m.  Palm Sunday Service with  the Choir – Longford
Sunday Groaner

Gone fishing
Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling vaguely guilty that they had skipped Sunday morning worship. To make matters worse, the fish were not biting.
The first angler finally observed: ‘Perhaps I should have just gone to church.’
To which the other replied: ‘I couldn’t have gone to church in any case, as my wife is home ill in bed.’
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

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Readings Exodus 2.1-10; Colossians 3.12-17; Luke 2.33-35

 

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
The date of the Rector’s retirement has been fixed for 14th September 2017
TODAY – Lent 4 – Mothering Sunday
NB CLOCKS GO FORWARD
8.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
3.00p.m. Evensong-Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
Tuesday 2.30p.m. Lent Study led by Jane Legh at 2 Glebe Close, Long Lane
Wednesday
7.30p.m. Lent Study – Vicarage
Saturday  at St Michaels church.
The first ever Church Broughton Paper Plane Challenge
Come along, make a paper plane(s) and see how far YOU can fly down the central aisle.
Registration from 13:30 until 14:00. First Take Off 14:05 (ish)
£1 per entry includes 3 sheets of regulation paper plane paper!
All ages welcome

Next Sunday –  Lent 5 – Passion Sunday
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong-Dalbury
6.30p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Advance Notice
Boylestone Annual Parochial Church Meeting is on  Monday 3rd April  at 7.30p.m. in Boylestone Village Hall
We remember in our prayers
Today    Mexico – (Mexico) The Rt Revd Carlos Touche-Porter
Monday     Milwaukee – (V, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Steven Miller
Minnesota – (VI, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Brian Prior
St Giles, Matlock, Clergy: Mark Crowther-Alwyn
Tuesday   Minna – (Lokoja, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Daniel Abu Yisa
St John the Baptist Dethick Clergy: Mark Crowther-Alwyn;
Wednesday   Mishamikoweesh – (Rupert’s Land, Canada) The Rt Revd Lydia Mamakwa
Christ Church Lea and Holloway Clergy: Mark Crowther-Alwyn
Thursday    Missionary District of Oeste-Brasil – (Brazil) Vacant
Pelotas – (Brazil) The Rt Revd Renato Da Cruz Raatz
All Saints, Matlock Bank Reader John Paulson
Friday   Mississippi – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Duncan Gray Coadjutor Bishop – (IV, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Brian Seage
Holy Trinity Tansley Clergy: Rev Richard Reade, Readers John Paulson
Saturday     Missouri – (V, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Wayne Smith
West Missouri – (VII, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Martin Field
Sunday Groaner
Who’d be a mother?
Constant nagging didn’t seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children. After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: “Please leave the bathroom as you found it.”
I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, “Brian, how did you find the bathroom?” After a brief pause, he replied, “Straight down the hall, first door on the right.”
Naughty mummy
A mother asked her young son, as they waited for the bus, to tell the driver he was five years old, because then he would ride for free. As they got into the bus the driver asked him how old he was. “I am five years old,” said the little boy proudly.
The driver had a son of his own that age, and smiled. “And when will you be six years old?” he asked.
“When I get off the bus,” answered the boy.
Sent away
An irritated mother complained to her friend: “When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own TV, telephone, computer, and every computer game and CD player in his room!”
“So how do you handle it?” her friend asked.
“I send him to MY room!”
Holding
Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.Grandma answered, “39 and holding.”Johnny thought about that and then asked: “And how old would you be if you let go?
The following appeared in the magazine of the Light Music Society:
Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music –schoolchild’s essay.
Most composers don’t live until they are dead – child’s essay
Sign on door of music shop: Gone Chopin, but have Liszt, so Bach in a Minuet!

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Exodus 17.1-7; Romans 5.1-11; John 4.5-42
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
The date of the Rector’s retirement has been fixed for 14th September 2017
TODAY Lent 3
8.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12.10p.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Evensong- Long Lane
Tuesday 2.30p.m. Lent Study led by Jane Legh at 2 Glebe Close, Long Lane
Wednesday
NB There is NO  Lent Study in the Vicarage this week – next meeting is onWednesday 29th March
Next Sunday –  Lent 4 – Mothering Sunday
NB CLOCKS GO FORWARD
8.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Family Communion – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Long Lane
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
3.00p.m. Evensong-Radbourne
6.45p.m. Evensong – Trusley
The first ever Church Broughton Paper Plane Challenge
Saturday 1st April at St Michaels church.
Come along, make a paper plane(s) and see how far YOU can fly down the central aisle.
Registration from 13:30 until 14:00. First Take Off 14:05 (ish)
£1 per entry includes 3 sheets of regulation paper plane paper!
All ages welcome
We remember in our prayers
Today    Mbale – (Uganda) The Rt Revd Patrick Gidudu
Monday    Mbamili – (Niger, Nigeria) The Rt Revd Henry Okeke
Holy Trinity Matlock Bath  Clergy: Nick Grayshon, Readers David Green, Bernice Smith, Michael Wilderspin
Tuesday  Mbeere – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Moses Masamba Nthukah
St Mary Cromford Clergy: Nick Grayshon, Readers David Green, Bernice Smith, Michael Wilderspin
Wednesday  Mbhashe – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Elliot Williams
St Helen Darley, Clergy: Stephen Monk;
Thursday   Medak – (South India) Vacant
St Mary the Virgin South Darley Clergy: Stephen Monk;
Friday   The Most Revd Dr Philip Leslie Freier Archbishop of Melbourne & Primate of Australia
Melbourne – Marmingatha Episcopate – (Victoria, Australia) The Rt Revd Genieve Blackwell
Melbourne – Jumbunna Episcopate – (Victoria, Australia) The Rt Revd Paul White
St John the Baptist Winster; Clergy: Stephen Monk
Melbourne – Oodthenong Episcopate – (Victoria, Australia) The Rt Revd Philip Huggins
Saturday     Meru – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Charles Mwendwa
Mother’s Union: Derbyshire President Mrs Wendy Fitch

Sunday Groaner
Ask children about angels…(and this is what you get!)
Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. – Daniel, age 9
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath again, somewhere there’s a tornado. – Reagan, age 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter. – Sara, age 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very good carpenter. – Jared, age 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t go for it. – Antonio, age 9

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Genesis 12.1-4a; Romans 4.1-5,13-17; John 3.1-17

NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
The date of the Rector’s retirement has been fixed for 14th September 2017
TODAY Lent 1
8.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Tuesday 2.30p.m. Lent Study led by Jane Legh at 2 Glebe Close, Long Lane
7.30p.m. Long Lane Annual Parochial Church Meeting in church
Wednesday
2.30p.m. Funeral of Peter Berryman – Longford
7.30p.m.  Lent Study in the Vicarage
Next Sunday –  Lent 3
8.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Sutton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12.10p.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
2.30p.m. Evensong- Long Lane
We remember in our prayers
Today    Maseno South – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Francis Abiero
Maseno West – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Joseph Wasonga
Monday   Massachusetts – (I, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Alan McIntosh Gates
Bishop Suffragan of Massachusetts – (I, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Gayle Harris
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough working in the parish of Holy Trinity Kirk Ireton, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis
Tuesday     Masvingo – (Central Africa) The Rt Revd Godfrey Tawonezwi
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough working in the parish of Holy Trinity Middleton, Readers Rod Prince Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis,
Wednesday Matabeleland – (Central Africa) The Rt Revd Cleophas Lunga
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough working in the parish of All Saints Bradbourne, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis,
Thursday  Matlosane (formerly Klerksdorp) – (Southern Africa) The Rt Revd Stephen Diseko
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough especially in the parish of St James the Apostle Bonsall, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis,
Friday  Meath & Kildare – (Dublin, Ireland) The Rt Revd Patricia Louise Storey
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough, especially in the parish of St James Brassington, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis,
Saturday     Mbaise – (Nigeria) The Rt Revd Chamberlain Chinedu Ogunedo
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough especially in the parish of All Saints Elton, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis
Sunday Groaner
How many words does it take?

Pythagorean Theorem: …………………………….. 24 words.

Lord’s Prayer:……………………………………………. 66 words.

Archimedes’ Principle: …………………………….… 67 words.

Ten Commandments: …………………………….… 179 words.

Gettysburg address: ……………………………….… 286 words.

US Declaration of Independence : ………….. 1,300 words.

US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ..7,818 words.

EU regulations on the sale of cabbage:…….26,911 words.

Puts things into proper perspective, doesn’t it?

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com

Readings Genesis 2.15-17; 3.1-7; Romans 5.12-19; Matthew 4.1-11
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
TODAY Lent 1
8.00a.m. Holy Communion  – Church Broughton
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
11.15a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Tuesday 2.30p.m. Lent Study led by Jane Legh at 2 Glebe Close, Long Lane
Wednesday 7.30p.m.  Lent Study in the Vicarage
Saturday
7.30p.m. Radbourne Casserole & Quiz Evening at Hackwood Farm
Next Sunday –  Lent 1
8.30a.m. Holy Communion  – Long Lane
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Radbourne
11.00a.m. Mattins – Sutton
5.00p.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
6.30p.m. Evensong(SAID)- Longford
We remember in our prayers
Today   Marathwada – (North India) The Rt Revd Madhukar Kasab
Dean of Women’s Ministry – Jean Burgess
Monday   Maridi – (Minye, Sudan) The Rt Revd Justin Badi Arama
Carsington Deanery Area Dean: Revd Duncan Ballard; Lay Chairs: John Paulson and Martin Forrest
Tuesday    Marsabit – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Robert Martin
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Rev Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis , Peter Lewis , especially in the parish of St Mary Wirksworth
Wednesday Maryland – (III, The Episcopal Church) The Rt Revd Eugene Sutton; Suffragan Bishop of Maryland – (III, The Episcopal Church) Vacant
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis , especially in the parish of St Margaret Carsington
Thursday  Masasi – (Tanzania) The Rt Revd James Almasi
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough working in the parish of All Saints Alderwasley Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis
Friday  Maseno North – (Kenya) The Rt Revd Simon Oketch
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough working in the parish of St Margaret Carsington,, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis , Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis
Saturday    Masindi-Kitara – (Uganda) The Rt Revd George Kasangaki
Wirksworth Team Ministry with the Clergy: David Truby, Kara Werner, Julie Stanton, Pioneer Minister Naomi Barraclough working in the parish of St James Idridgehay, Readers Rod Prince, Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis , Elizabeth Thomas, Peter Lewis,
Sunday Groaner
How God works
A grandmother was taking her young grandson for a walk in the park. The daffodils were in bloom, and it was a beautiful Spring day. Wanting to encourage her grandson’s spiritual understanding of the world, she said: “Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God did all this?”
Her grandson replied: “Oh yes, and God did it left handed, too.” In astonishment, the grandmother asked what he meant. “Well, he must have done,” said her grandson, “because we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand.”

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com