Parish Pump 20th August 2017

Readings Isaiah 56.1,6-8; Romans 11.1-2a,29-32; Matthew 15.(10-20)21-28

Today – Trinity 10
8.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Church Broughton
10.00a.m. Family Service – Longford
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Dalbury
12.10p.m. Holy Communion – Trusley
7.00p.m. Evensong – Long Lane
Friday Longford & Long Lane Farewell evening
Saturday Boylestone Show

Next Sunday – Trinity 1
9.00a.m. Holy Communion – Longford
9.30a.m. Holy Communion – Boylestone
11.00a.m. Family Service – Sutton
12.15p.m. Holy Baptism & Holy Communion – Long Lane
2.00p.m. Holy Baptism – Radbourne
5.00p.m. Evensong – Trusley
6.30p.m. Evensong – Radbourne
Advance Notice
Friday 1st September 12noon
Thanksgiving service for Rev David Rymer – Quarndon
Friday 8th September
7.30p.m. Sutton Harvest Supper

Sunday 3rd September
NB The service at Longford will be 12.15p.m. Holy Communion

Sunday 10th September
There will be a single united service for the benefice in Church Broughton at 11.00a.m. To mark the rector’s last Sunday in the benefice. This service will be followed by a bring and share lunch in church.

Sunday Groaner
Church notices that didn’t come out quite right…

This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn-sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the church hall on Friday afternoon.

The Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. All proceeds will be used to cripple children.


There was a clergyman who was an avid golfer. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golf, and the minister could not resist the temptation. He rang his assistant and told him he was too ill to attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognise him. Happily, he began to play the course. But an angel up above was watching the minister and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, ‘Look at the minister. He should be punished for what he’s doing.’

God nodded in agreement. The minister teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The minister was amazed and overjoyed. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said: ‘Begging your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.’ And God smiled. ‘Think about it; who can he tell?’

Observations on cats

Behind every cat that crosses the street, there is a dog saying, “Go ahead, you can make it.”

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat. (Hmmmm)
Helpful signs

Sign on a door: Push. If that doesn’t work. Pull. If that doesn’t work, we’re closed.

In front of a church: Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.

The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at


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