Reading Jeremiah 15.15-21; Romans 12.9-21; Matthew 16.21-28
NOTICES FOR THE WEEK
Today – Trinity 12
9.30a.m. Mattins – Boylestone
10.00a.m. Family Service – Church Broughton
11.00a.m. Holy Communion – Sutton
12.15p.m. Holy Communion – Longford
3.00p.m. Evensong – Dalbury
Wednesday 7.30p.m. Radbourne PCC
Friday 7.30p.m. Sutton Harvest Supper
Saturday 6.00p.m. Radbourne Farewell
Next Sunday – Trinity 13
11.00a.m. Holy Communion & Farewell to Michael Bishop as Rector. Followed by Bring & Share Lunch – Church Broughton
4,00p.m. Baptism of Bruno Sellwood-Beinhoff – Church Broughton
The Perfect Minister
When looking for a new minister, it may be helpful to bear the following in mind:
The Perfect Minister preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone’s feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church handyman.
The Perfect Minister lives on a very small salary, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates £30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years’ worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome.
The Perfect Minister has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humour that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church. He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.
The Perfect Minister always has time for church meetings and all of its committees, never missing the meeting of any church organisation. And he is always busy evangelising the unchurched. He also spends hours preparing couples for their weddings, hours preparing parents for their baby’s baptism, and hours visiting the bereaved. But his life is dedicated to solitude, prayer and meditation.
The Perfect Minister is always in the next town over! So if you think that our minister does not measure up, it has been suggested that we simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their minister. The idea is that we bundle up our minister and send him to the church at the top of our list. If everyone cooperates, in one week we will receive 1, 643 new ministers. One of them should be perfect. Have faith in this plan. One church broke the chain and got its old minister back in less than three months.
The Parish Pump can be found on the internet at https://churchbroughtonchurch.wordpress.com